IIC 151: Catholic Parts Work: IFS Demonstrations with Dr. Peter

Dr. Peter: [00:00:00] What does real inner work look like? How do we work with the parts of us inside? And what does internal family systems, or IFS work, look like in real time? Some of you may remember episode 114 of this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, titled Lifting Sexual Burdens: An IFS Demonstration with Drew Boa. That was one example. I also did some demonstrations, we call them demos, with Dr. Gerry Crete and Resilient Catholics Community lead navigator Marion Moreland, in episode 117 titled Discover the Parts Who Make Up Your “Personality”. Those are just a few examples, but how about some more? Absolutely. Let’s do some more, so that you can see and sense and feel what this work is like. And more than that, I’m inviting you into the work. I will explain how that happens in just a moment. But first, let’s discuss how does a demo work? There’s three roles. There’s the accompanier and I will be the one in the accompanier role. Then there’s the accompanied, and then there’s the observer role. You are invited into the observer role. That’s a really important role. And we’ll talk about that more in a minute. Now this is not therapy. Therapy doesn’t have a corner on the market of doing human formation work. But this is still real inner work done by real people in real time.

Dr. Peter: [00:01:42] I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, also known as Dr. Peter. I am your host and guide in this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, and I am so glad to be with you. I’m a clinical psychologist, a trauma therapist, a podcaster, a writer, the co-founder and president of Souls and Hearts. But most of all, most of all, I’m a beloved little son of God, a passionate Catholic who wants to help you to taste and see the height and depth and breadth and warmth and the light of the love of God, especially God your father, and also Mary your mother, your spiritual parents, your primary parents. I’m here to help you embrace your identity as a beloved little child of God, a beloved little son or daughter of Mary. And how are we doing that today in this episode? Through demonstrations, through demos. We’re not just going to talk about human formation. We’re not just going to think about human formation together. Today, we’re going to work on human formation together, experientially, in the heart. This is episode 151 of the IIC podcast, and it releases on October 7th, 2024. It’s titled Witnessed Parts Work. And in this episode, we are continuing our ongoing series on the integration of personal formation with a twist. In this ongoing series on personal formation, we’re bringing in demonstrations or something that I like to refer to as “witnessed parts work”.

Dr. Peter: [00:03:05] And what do I mean? I have two volunteers with me today, David and Ian, who are willing to do some of their own personal inner work with their parts with me today and allow it to be recorded. And so, to introduce them, Ian Mason, a licensed professional counselor, a husband, and a devoted father of six. He is involved in higher education and the training of Catholic therapists at the graduate level, and Ian has been active in our Formation for Formators community, formerly the Interior Therapist Community, we’ve gotten to know each other over the last few years because of our mutual interests in grounding internal family systems in a Catholic understanding of the human person. Ian also knows a lot about the Catholic-Christian Meta-Model of the Human Person. We also have David Edwards, an IFS therapist in Gilbert, Arizona. He is IFS-trained as a therapist, a husband and father of six, and David and I have gotten to know each other in both the Formation for Formators community and the Resilient Catholics Community. He’s also the lead facilitator for the Love One Another group. That’s an advanced human formation group in the FFF, where formators, therapists, coaches, spiritual directors, others who accompany individuals, in that group, we work on loving our neighbors in all their parts in a very deliberate way.

Dr. Peter: [00:04:19] But most importantly, most importantly, I see these two men as sons of God. The 19th century Catholic theologian Matthias Scheeben says that, when God tells us we are his sons, it is, “the literal truth”. Scheeben says this is the real deal. It’s not just that this sonship of God is in some vague way, but in the sonship, “all the important relations existing between a son and a father are present”. It’s a real thing, this being sons of God. So these men are sons of God, and as such, they are also my brothers in Christ. They are brothers of Christ with me in all of their being, all of their parts. Not just a few parts, not just the parts that happen to be present in the moment, but all of their parts, all of their parts share in their being sons of God and all of their parts share, with all of my parts, in us being brothers. That’s the most important identity, the sonship of God. And so the plan for today — first of all, I just want to really say how excited I am to be able to be together with you two today. Just so glad to be together.

David: [00:05:32] Thank you, Peter.

Ian: [00:05:33] Thanks Peter. Me as well.

Dr. Peter: [00:05:34] Yeah. I just really have a lot of respect and admiration. We’ve done a little preparatory work, just so folks that are observing this know, just about what it means to be together in doing a demo like this. Just want you to know, though, that as we begin, and this is for those of you that are going to be in the observer role, that this is a really good thing to enter into when you have a good space to do it, because the invitation is for you to be able to work with your own parts as David and Ian and I work together with their parts. So remember, you know, as you watch this, you can pause the recording at any time, especially if you need more time with your own parts, as you’re doing this as a viewer or as a listener in our audience. You’re free to discontinue this work at any time. Your parts are likely to start resonating with parts that are coming up in the demo. And so it’s very common that when a part comes up, say, from Ian or from David, that’s similar to a part of yours, your part might begin to resonate with that. So it’s an opportunity for you in your innermost self to connect with your parts. That’s where some of the most significant work happens in a demo. So this is an opportunity for you to connect with the parts of you that are resonating with what’s happening in the demo. Kind of like tuning forks on the same frequency, right.

Dr. Peter: [00:06:55] So it’s a great opportunity for you to get curious, for you to notice within yourself, as you view this, as you listen to this, what am I feeling? What’s resonating? I’m going to invite you to notice if you’re leaving your window of tolerance to the upside — that’s moving into hyper arousal, the fight or flight response — or if you’re dropping out of your window of tolerance to the downside, going into that freeze response, that’s that dorsal vagal shutdown, that hypo arousal. I’m just going to invite you to reground as necessary, you know, if it feels like too much intensity. And I don’t expect, I don’t want to overstate this. I don’t expect that that’s going to happen for any of you. But just to be aware of that, take what’s helpful. And you can also write down or draw what your parts might be sharing with you. So it can be helpful to have pencil or paper, pens with you and all of that. All right. So we’ve had all of that introduction now, all that talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. And so just wanted to be able to connect with you guys, and we had a little bit of conversation, mostly through the tech check and so forth, but just wanted to kind of check in with you guys, and just see, yeah, like what kind of space you’re in and what questions might come up. I want to reassure your parts that this isn’t really about a performance. You know, we can throw out anything that doesn’t feel right to share. You guys have like total permission for parts not to disclose.

Dr. Peter: [00:08:19] You know, the last thing we want is for a part to have a sense of being overly vulnerable, overly disclosed, for example, like that somehow that would violate a part. We really want to protect parts’ integrity. So, just to know that, as we do this work, this episode doesn’t even have to happen. You know, we could scrap the whole thing. I’m serious about that. Like, it’s really much more about, you know, you being able to enter in and do some beautiful work. And if it works out that we can share it, that’s great. That’s great. So no pressure on parts about that. No agendas. It’s really important that when we enter into this kind of work, that we don’t have an agenda for a particular outcome and a particular timeline in a particular way, that kind of thing. So just want to see how that’s landing with your parts, you know, because I have really been thinking about both of you over the last few days as beloved sons of God and that including all of your parts. And while my parts are excited to be able to kind of connect with your guys’ parts, they’re not entitled to that. It’s really important that this be a place that is really life-giving and nurturing for all of your parts, so I just want to throw that out there, see how it lands, see what might come up as questions or concerns, and make sure we address all of that.

David: [00:09:34] Yeah. Well, when you invited me to join you for this, I have some parts that are really excited about that because I feel like I can use all the help I can get for my parts. It’s just like, well, a free demo, right? Some free help with my personal work. Sounds great. And then I have other parts that really want to be helpful to others. So those parts kind of liked the idea too, because if I could get some help myself, and if that could be helpful to others who see it, then that’s a win win. So I was talking with my parts a little bit about like, oh, what are we going to do? You know, we could focus on kind of this thing and that thing and the other thing, could do this, could think about that, but just really landed on a desire to just be receptive and receive and be open. And when you said that it can be scrapped and we don’t have to do it at all, it’s like, my parts believe that, but some of them have difficulty accepting that. Like, that wouldn’t be good, if it got scrapped, you know?

Dr. Peter: [00:10:39] Oh no, no. If we had a session today that was really life-giving to one of your parts, was really healing, was really inviting that part into flourishing, and we couldn’t use this. You know, because it felt like it was too raw, too tender or something like that. What a great success. You know, what a great success, because every one of your parts, David, is worth this time. They really are. They really are. And we’re recording this way in advance. If this doesn’t work out, like this is not under some deadline, you know, where it’s got to produce a podcast episode or whatever, you know? I mean, I really wanted to make sure that we had the space, to be able to not feel those external pressures. Now, you know, parts may have trouble accepting that. Maybe that’s not the way that they’ve, you know, experienced other people, you know, or other situations, you know, traditionally or customarily. But yeah, I really mean it. Because if we don’t have that freedom, then there’s always going to be at least a subtle pressure. And I don’t want that for us.

David: [00:11:40] Yeah. It’s pretty well received. Yeah.

Dr. Peter: [00:11:43] Because if what I’m offering you guys here, if it works out in this episode, like, if it’s really best for one of your parts to not share it, not even share it, but to not have it broadcast or published, then that’s going to be best not only for all of your parts, but also best for all of Ian’s, best for all of mine, best for everybody’s in the world, because there’s a harmony about what’s best. And so if we can figure out what’s best for one part, and it’s not necessarily what every part wants, okay. Because parts can have desires that conflict and so on and so forth. But if we can figure out what’s best for one part, we have a good sense, we have a very good clue as to what’s best overall. And there can’t be a conflict about that, about what’s actually best for one person versus another person, or one part versus another part. We don’t have to, like, do these awful trade-offs or something. If we know deep down that this is not best for this to be published, for one of your parts, we don’t publish it. It’s really important. Yeah, that’s how much we need to love and respect our parts. Like we don’t want them to have a sense that they’re being co-opted, or that they’re valuable only because they have a functional value, you know?

Ian: [00:12:57] Yeah, I know you and I had a chance, Peter, to talk even before this, so there was, and even in that conversation, some of the similar things that you were saying, just allowed kind of that openness for parts. Like they know that they have permission at this point to say, either to not go there, right, to say that, all right, I’ll share this with you or share it kind of like internally, right, but choose not to kind of like say it. Or to say, goodness, that went a little deeper maybe than I thought. And we can kind of change or kind of like, you know, not share as needed.

Dr. Peter: [00:13:31] Or if something gets said that, you know, that in retrospect, you know, we can cut it out in post-production. You know, we can edit it out after the fact. You guys are going to have an opportunity to review all of this before it goes up, and to really spend some time with your parts about like, yeah, are they okay with it? Because otherwise there would be something hypocritical about what we’re doing, really. You know.

Ian: [00:13:55] So yeah, most of the parts, I think, for myself that are, there are parts that are excited again of just, any time that the internal work kind of happens, of just like because I’ve seen how helpful and beneficial that it is. So it’s like, well, why wouldn’t I kind of want to do it? The interesting thing I think for myself is that there is a part that, coming into this for the morning, felt very rushed and there’s lots of different tasks and things that I’m, you know. Kind of it’s like, oh goodness, this is a big chunk of time. I could be like, I noticed a little bit of that of like the list part kind of in a way, where it’s like, it’s okay, the list isn’t going anywhere. We can attend to it kind of afterwards, but that is what I kind of felt as I was walking on this morning.

Dr. Peter: [00:14:41] Well, and we will respect time boundaries too. Just so parts that have concerns, like we will make sure that we are done when we said we’d be done and all of that. So just to reassure parts on that. And yeah, like what you said, it’s much more important that you, Ian, as your innermost self connect with your parts. Not that I do. Okay. It’s really much more important that you as the innermost self make those connections because you’re, you know, leading and guiding those parts. You’re in your own system. I don’t need to be privy to all of that. A lot of the work can be done without it having to be shared. So the general guideline here share what’s helpful. You know, if it’s helpful to bring me in to include the audience in the experience, great. If that feels right and good. But if it doesn’t, it’s perfectly fine for you to be able to do that work internally. So yeah. And again, you know, those of you in the audience are invited into the observer role. Now, both Ian and David will have an opportunity to be in the observer role as well. So when I’m accompanying the other, so the other will then have an opportunity to be in that observer role and just to be able to share after we finished the first demo for whoever’s in that observer role, to just be able to share what that was like for you too. So that all make sense? Any other things, you know, especially around concerns that protector parts might have? Any questions, any things that might make this feel even a little more safe before we get started.

Ian: [00:16:16] Not that I’m noticing.

Dr. Peter: [00:16:18] Okay. Well, what I’m noticing inside with my parts is, and I’m attentive to this, but I just have parts that are really excited to get to know both of you better. You know, that are really excited to be able to connect with their counterparts in you. And I do have to be a little careful about that, because they’re not entitled to that. You know, those parts are not entitled to that. But I have a deep fondness for each of you. You know, a deep respect for each of you and a warmth toward each of you and I really enjoy being with you. So I have parts that are just up and excited, and I’m aware of that, right. So I don’t want those parts to get overexcited and try to pull or anything like that because they’re excited about connecting with you. We can receive whatever can be given freely, you know, without trying to make anything happen. Does that make sense?

Ian: [00:17:06] Yeah. It does.

Dr. Peter: [00:17:09] Yeah. So is there a preference about going first on this one? Who might want to be in the accompanied role first? And who might want to be in the observer role?

David: [00:17:21] There’s not for me.

Ian: [00:17:22] I don’t have a strong preference either way.

Dr. Peter: [00:17:24] All right, well, David, why don’t you and I start? All right, if that’s okay, because, yeah, it just felt right. So, Ian, I’m going to invite you just to, you know, be with your parts. It’s not important for you, Ian, to track what’s going on between David and me when we’re doing this work. You know, you’re not going to have to give some sort of case conceptualization or, you know, any kind of, you know, feedback on it or evaluate anything. It’s really an opportunity for you to connect with your own parts in that observer role, as David and I are doing this work. And it’s a really kind of neat opportunity to be in that observer role because you don’t have any responsibilities, you know, for another person when you’re doing that. But yet, as things come up in the work, it may really resonate with parts of you. So just be really mindful and take it as an opportunity to be able to spend time with those parts and connect with them. And then, you know, you will have an opportunity to debrief about your experience and share anything that, you know, seems right and good for your parts to share afterwards, too. So, that all make sense? Yeah. Great. Well, you know, just as we begin, David, to just know that we have so much freedom here.

Dr. Peter: [00:18:35] There’s nothing scripted, you know, there’s no product that has to be created or nothing that has to be produced. The real kind of idea here is for you to be able to be with you, to be with yourself in your parts in a way that’s loving, in a way that’s connected, in a way that’s integrating, you know. But there’s no particular agenda about how that happens or how fast it happens, time frames or topics or anything like that. So just, you know, an amazing amount of of freedom and openness here, you know, about anything that seems like this might be really helpful for. So I’m just going to invite you to go inside. I can see you’re already, you know, kind of in that process and just kind of connect with parts about, yeah, what this time might offer them. And which one of them might really need the focus right now most? If there’s any concerns about anything to make sure we address those so that we have a sense of working together in a way that’s safe. But yeah, maybe there’s a particular part that needs to be seen, heard, known, understood better. Just invite you to pay attention to whatever trailheads might be coming up with that.

David: [00:20:21] Well, really quickly, you know, really immediately when you said, “For me to be with me”, where my mind just immediately was, was this really young part, you know, 5 or 6, who carries a lot and who’s been maybe a focus of some of my, especially of some of my work recently. Yeah, just went there and it was like, I want to be with, I want to be with him. And then there’s a little pause, because it’s like, okay, that’s kind of straight to an exile, and let’s check. So, that’s kind of where I’m headed now.

Dr. Peter: [00:21:07] Yeah. You got really good instincts here with your innermost self. Like just remembering to check in with the protectors who guard that exile or guard against that exile, see if there’s any concerns, any questions that those parts might have. Because we only want to work with this exile if we have the permission of the protectors, the managers, the firefighters that protect this exile or protect against this exile, we work only by permission. Only by invitation.

David: [00:21:41] One protector that’s really nearby to that one. One of his big concerns, kind of long-standing, has always been around, is to make sure that I’m doing something, just like he feels like I always need to be doing something that provides value or something good for others. And so it seems he’s got a concern that if we stayed with that part, then could that possibly go in some direction where it would just be good for me, but not good for others. And he’s aware of what you said earlier about that. And there’s been several things over the past few years where he’s seeing how what’s good for me is good for others.

Dr. Peter: [00:22:45] Well, I wonder if that part would be willing to take a little risk. You know, would be willing to take up the offer of, maybe this just being a good we focus on for you, okay. And then let that redound however it redounds. Let the chips fall where they may. I wonder if that part might be open to stretching a little bit in that way. And if not, that’s okay. You know, we don’t want to….

David: [00:23:19] Yeah. He doesn’t feel like he’s holding on really tight. Just maybe mostly wanted to be noticed. Spoken for.

Dr. Peter: [00:23:30] Yeah. And I appreciate his intentions of wanting things to be good for others, too.

David: [00:23:40] There is another one, who I guess I’ve taken to calling my sergeant, but probably that name will change. But he’s kind of critical. Wants to project strength. Strength, you know, to not show weakness. To do everything well. Yeah. And I think it makes sense that he shows he has a concern of, are you going to go talk to this really, really vulnerable or weak part, and what’s going to happen there? And what’s that going to look like? With all these witnesses.

Dr. Peter: [00:24:41] Yeah. That really resonates with my guardian part, you know, not showing weakness and so forth. And I just want that part to know that if we do connect with that part. And we don’t have to. But if we do, we will contract with that part to not overwhelm you. It’s going to be really important that that part not overwhelm you with the intensity of its experience. And only if that part can agree to that will we work with that part, because that’s really important, not just from a safety perspective, but from a trust perspective inside. You know, like that this work can be done in a way that is good for all parts, right?

David: [00:25:29] I feel like what I’m getting is, that he’s willing to let us go there, but maybe not willing to be totally hands off. Like he might not believe that the part can control what it gives me. And I think I haven’t encountered, you know, the raw intensity of that part, that exile, probably partly because him or another part has kind of titrated it for him, maybe. And he wants to kind of stay involved like that.

Dr. Peter: [00:26:06] He can jump in whenever he feels like he needs to. We’re not asking him to go away or to disengage. If he feels that there’s a need to come in and to regulate something, he can do that. Totally yes. You know, what he might not know is that this little part actually can also regulate the intensity of its experience if it chooses to. And that’s what we’re going to be requiring if we work with that part. Because, you know, a lot of times parts only experience other parts when they’re blending or flooding, you know, and that’s because parts get desperate and they are trying to get to the top of the mountain to be heard or to be acknowledged. And a lot of times, parts don’t realize that other parts can actually work collaboratively and cooperatively to, you know, like it’s a real thing that parts can choose, you know, or can engage with in such a way.

David: [00:27:11] Well, I feel like I’m standing next to the protector and he’s just looking at the young part, just called him child. Child. Yeah, just looking at him and I’m just like, oh, he’s just a kid. He’s not like a, you know, raging river. He’s just a kid. He seems pretty normal. I don’t see, like maybe there’s tremendous intensity buried in there somewhere that I’m not aware of. And I feel like it’s maybe mostly from self, at least a good amount of self-energy looking at him, and he just looks like a kid. He’s had some hard things happen. So I guess I’m kind of saying like, well, what’s the big concern?

Dr. Peter: [00:28:04] Well, there’s a reason. There’s a reason that parts get concerned. There always is. It’s either from their experience or from how they’ve made sense of their experience or, you know, apprehensions about what could happen. So a lot of respect for parts, but I am also going to invite your protectors to look at you and to realize that you know, you’ve got this. You, as David, you as the innermost self, that you have these qualities in your innermost self to lead and guide this process.

David: [00:28:50] Mm. Yeah. It’s actually nice.

Dr. Peter: [00:28:55] Yeah. It’s a wonderful thing to have an innermost self, you know. And I’m also here, right. And I’m in this secondary role, this auxiliary role, this supplemental role. But I also can help if there’s a need.

David: [00:29:19] Yeah, I feel that part, the sergeant, kind of, yeah, relaxing. Like, comforted.

Dr. Peter: [00:29:32] Yeah. He’s important, you know, and we want to make sure that when we do this work, that parts have a sense of being really cared for. Their concerns are acknowledged. You know, that we’re not just steamrolling one part to get to another part in an agenda-driven way.

David: [00:29:58] Not sure exactly where this is coming up from, but just kind of tuned into the fact that I’m kind of visualizing my parts a bit right now, and I feel like there’s some connection there, but it’s always seemed seem like one of the weaker channels for me to connect with parts. And that when I’ve gotten more into my body and how I noticed them in my body, or even just kind of a verbal exchange with them that I felt, there’s a bit more of connection. So just noting that, and wanting to tune in in that way.

Dr. Peter: [00:30:38] Yeah. Just, however it makes sense to connect, you know. However is familiar, comfortable, whatever seems right and good. Doesn’t have to be visual at all.

David: [00:30:57] Well, I feel really ready to at least spend some time with that kid.

Dr. Peter: [00:31:02] I’m going to invite you, because I sense that you’ve got a lot of, like, recollection right now, that you’re in a really good place, just for you to be with that part in whatever way seems right and good and wholesome. You know, whatever that part might need or benefit from. And I’m going to let you do that work without getting in the way of it, right. I’m going to be quiet, and I’m just going to invite you to reach out to me. So much of this work is done in quiet and silence.

David: [00:33:03] You know, I want to share something that he said, but I just have a part that wants, another one that wants to preface it just with saying — because what he’s sharing is connected into childhood in some way, you know, his experience. It’s a part, the protector is a part that’s concerned about honoring my parents.

Dr. Peter: [00:33:35] Absolutely. Yeah. It’s really important that parts feel comfortable with whatever is shared. And also to recognize that parents don’t have to be perfect to be really good, you know.

David: [00:33:47] Yeah. And it’s a, yeah. And also it just wants to add that, this protector, to say like this is that part’s experience. That other parts have a different experience. It feels okay to say that. So what the part said, when I sat down with him, what he seemed to say was “no one plays with me.” And kind of a flood of images just there, as I said that now, of my children wanting to play with me, and different ways that I could respond to that from different parts. But he was also speaking about right now in my inner world, you know, he sits on a couch in a room and all the other parts are bustling by. And he feels like no one plays with him. And he felt like that, you know, when I was young. No one plays with me. So I felt some emotion at that. And just kind of sitting with him and just, well, maybe I can play with you. Gosh, it feels really close, but there’s like, some sticking point where I suppose some other part wants to stop me because it feels weird to just, like, sit here and in my inner world, just play with this little part of me. What does that even mean? What would I even be doing?

Dr. Peter: [00:36:07] Well, what would be the concern if you were to connect with this part and play? I’m just curious if we can float that out there and see what other parts might, you know, say in response.

David: [00:36:22] I heard quickly, “I don’t know how to play.” At least to play like a six-year-old plays.

Dr. Peter: [00:36:42] Well, I just am curious. I could be totally wrong on this, but I’m wondering if maybe a part just forgot how to play? Maybe it’s been a long time.

David: [00:36:57] Yeah, more than one.

Dr. Peter: [00:36:59] Yeah. Maybe it’s been a long time, but I bet it’s still there. I don’t think that that’s something that gets lost. I think it’s something that gets hidden. And would it be okay if it were to come out? Or is there something more than just not knowing how? If there’s something more, like that that wouldn’t be right or good or safe or something, if you were to play.

David: [00:37:41] When you said maybe a part forgot how to play, and then I kind of scanned through kind of quickly all my other parts and like, yes, check, check, check. But then I just felt this, I felt this openness to it and a real desire to bring all of them together. And, I feel like it’s just glimpses or glimmers, but, like having this sense of the whole group being in a circle and just goofing off and laughing. Yeah, like this, you know, hardened, you know, swordsman in armor. I see, one of my parts. And he’s, like, doing the robot or something, just, it’s goofy. I have a part that’s like, this is goofy, dude. But it’s actually emotional too, I feel the emotion with that, because from the kid’s perspective, he’s just like, “Oh… You want to come hang out with me and goof off? And not just like stand at the door like a statue?”

Dr. Peter: [00:39:29] I think parts really need this play. It’s really, really important.

David: [00:39:37] Well, when he said, when I said, part said, “Oh… and not just stand there like a statue,” I felt like that just, it just connected with a lot of sadness.

Dr. Peter: [00:40:01] Does the sadness feel overwhelming or does it feel, you know, like a level of intensity that you can take?

David: [00:40:08] Yeah. Pretty intense for a couple seconds. I think it’s tolerable. I want it. Like, I want to feel that. You know, just some some childhood memories of loneliness and isolation. This play is about connection. Being with someone.

Dr. Peter: [00:41:14] It’s a way that young ones relate. I’m wondering if there’s like, as we kind of come to the end of this, like if there’s like a next right step for you with your parts on this whole theme of play. Like, how that might be possible for all of you together, how that might be enjoyable and right and good and life-giving.

David: [00:41:51] Yeah. Well, I went to the external and with my kids, was the first response. And that maybe there’s a way I can do this. I can invite this part and the others to try playing with my kids more freely. You know? More like, yeah, more freely.

Dr. Peter: [00:42:31] Well, maybe there’s, like, a play date that could be set up, you know, in a variety of different ways of kind of trying that out, you know.

David: [00:42:40] Those are in abundance. Play dates are in abundance. Any day. Just go to the play room.

Dr. Peter: [00:42:50] Well, your kids may be able to help you with this, you know, may be able to help parts with this, too, you know?

David: [00:42:58] Yeah. We can help each other. I see something they need from you there.

Dr. Peter: [00:43:10] Maybe there’s a way to kind of, specific, not an agenda, but maybe, like a a way to come up with something that is kind of concrete, that kind of is a good step in this direction, right, around play, for these parts. I’m wondering if this is a good spot for you, maybe to stay with that for a little bit and for me to check in with Ian, you know? Just kind of debrief and you don’t have to pay any attention at all. I mean, really a lot of freedom, you know, if you even want to kind of step out for a bit here, you know, while I check in with Ian that, you know, that’d be great. We’ll have a chance for you to debrief afterward, too, if you’d like. Is that okay? Does that seem like it fits? All right, well, thank you to your parts, David. I mean, just such beautiful work. You know, pleasure to be with you. 

Dr. Peter: [00:44:06] So, Ian, is this a good time to kind of check in with you about like anything that parts of you might want to share? Might want you to speak for them, you know about what your experience of being in the observer role for this demo was like? You know, things that came up. It’s really not about deconstructing anything that was going on within David or anything like that. But just about what was happening within you as you were in that role.

Ian: [00:44:32] First, there are a few different kind of experiences that I noticed. The first maybe was a sense of like appreciation of maybe kind of like the courage or the openness that David’s parts were kind of like leading the way. And maybe some parts of my own that maybe felt afraid of like, oh, wow. Like, this is almost like as a confirmation that this is something that’s helpful and good. And so that was kind of the initial. And I had several kind of parts I think that resonated when he was speaking about, you know, a part that wanted it to be some kind of good for others. I noticed a part that I’ve kind of termed my people-pleasing part really kind of resonate very strongly, of like, yes. Like, it’s like if we can help people or if people then are happy, like, that’s good. We know that we’re doing well based off of how other people then feel helped or feel kind of like happy or whatever it is that they might kind of need help with. So I definitely noticed that. And I did notice maybe kind of in the work around the exile, like my own parts that felt alone as well, really kind of resonated. Yeah, like similar experiences that I’ve had of at times feeling alone. And noticed then some concerns of protectors as well who are kind of like, well, you know, just be mindful about kind of like going to those places or. Yeah, my Captain America part, who’s my kind of more task or mission, I’ll say mission-driven part of like, we’ve got the mission at hand, so we don’t really have time for a lot of this kind of like wallowing and loneliness kind of stuff. So those I had to kind of remind that, you know, that might not be what it is that we’re doing during my time, you know? That’s what I noticed in some of the dialogue that I was kind of having to do as David was doing his work.

Dr. Peter: [00:46:43] Beautiful, beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. You know, and just an invitation for those of you in the audience viewing, listening. Just really, you know, maybe take a little bit more time here to just, you know, reflect on what your experience was like of that demo, you know, to really kind of connect with your parts around what it brought up for you. And again, freedom to pause the recording whenever is helpful in the demo or in the debrief to be able to do that work. So David, I wanted to circle back and just see if there’s anything that parts, you know, wanted to debrief from, wanted you to speak for them about the experience, or anything really that they would like me to know, would like us to know.

David: [00:47:29] Yeah. Well, thank you. That’s one. Thank you, Dr. Peter, for that session, this invitation and yeah, the chance to do that work and helping me with that work. I have so much difficulty ever doing any work like this on my own. It’s not that I have difficulty setting aside the time. I set aside ample time, but it doesn’t happen like this when I’m by myself. I don’t connect with my parts like this, very rarely. I don’t know what it is, being here like this. Well, I’m thankful for that. I suppose I have a part that’s saying, “why can’t I do this on my own,” you know? But I guess that’s kind of the point. The isolation and loneliness, you know, comes full circle.

Dr. Peter: [00:48:29] Well, as I was, you know, kind of in relationship with you and you were doing this and it strikes really near and dear to me. So in episode 71, I laid out ten of my parts. I’ve since then discovered another part, my playful part.

Dr. Peter: [00:48:45] This is the part of me that really does help me to play a lot. That was the part I was not in touch with at the time I recorded episode 71. And my managers, you know, my good boy part, my collaborator part, would read books on play like Man at Play by, you know, Hugo Rahner, right? Which would give a philosophical, you know, sort of approach to play. We were going to read our way and study our way into how we play and how it can be done appropriately, and how it can be done in a way that honors God and so forth. And it was an utter failure, total failure, right. Like, because this is, I think, something that’s really a big thing for a lot of people, a lot of men, a lot of women too, but a lot of men really struggle with how can this be ordered? It’s, you know, part and parcel of being small, of being able to be childlike, you know, and so forth. And so, I mean, there was a lot going on within me too, as you were sharing that, you know, it was reminding me of where I’ve been and, you know, an affinity between some of my parts. You know, my guardian part really likes your sergeant part, you know, totally resonates about that part’s concerns and so forth. Thank you.

David: [00:50:06] Yeah. Thank you.

Dr. Peter: [00:50:11] Well, an opportunity here to switch gears. You know, I think this may be a good moment for us to move to the second part of this, where, Ian, you’d be in the accompanied role. I’m just curious. I don’t want to make assumptions, you know, but just checking in about how that feels, if that feels like it’s still right and good, you know where we are right now. Just to begin that work.

Ian: [00:50:35] Yeah, there’s definitely an openness to that and seeing where it goes.

Dr. Peter: [00:50:41] Beautiful. Okay. And David, an invitation to you and to everyone else that’s viewing and listening, if it seems right and good, if it’s a good moment. Again, if you’re operating heavy machinery or navigating the intricacies of the interstate at rush hour, this isn’t the time to enter deeply into this necessarily. But yeah, if it feels like it’s a good time for you to do this, to be able to enter in. So, yeah. And similarly, Ian, this can be about whatever would be, you know, most helpful. I’m going to invite you to really notice what’s happening in or around your body, to really just pay attention to any body sensations that might be coming up, even if they seem familiar, even if they seem like, oh, yeah, I know what that is. Maybe we can just get really curious about that or about any other internal experience, as we consider, like, so much freedom, so many opportunities, so many options for where this demo might go, this time together might go. What might be really helpful to a particular part of you? A lot of gentleness here. A lot of kindness. Big open heart towards our parts.

Ian: [00:52:23] What I notice most as I’m looking internally, there’s a, like a sense of tightness that I can feel in stomach and — stomach, chest, back, kind of that, like a sense of urgency comes to mind.

Dr. Peter: [00:52:54] Okay. Great. And I’m just going to invite you to listen in to that tightness, listen in to that urgency and just see what the message is there. What does a part of you want you to know or to understand? See what that message is.

Ian: [00:53:22] A message that comes is, what’s the mission here?

Dr. Peter: [00:53:27] What’s the mission? Yeah.

Ian: [00:53:28] What’s the mission here? Yeah.

Dr. Peter: [00:53:33] Well, what if I were to say that it’s about being with, you know, it’s about you connecting with your parts. And that could be totally private. That could be any number of ways. There’s no checklist or something like that that we have to follow. There’s a lot of freedom here for you to be able to love you. And it’s much more about being with than doing something. And is that okay? Is that like tolerable for that part or acceptable? Or is that more than that part can entertain at this point.

Ian: [00:54:41] It was tolerable. There’s the part, the same part, of like the what’s the mission, I think, feels somewhat skeptical, in a way of like, well. This, in having a mission, in accomplishing it — this is how we demonstrate excellence.

Dr. Peter: [00:55:07] Ah, yeah.

Ian: [00:55:09] This part is really, this is the Captain America part. Yeah. This is how we show excellence. When we’re achieving something.

Dr. Peter: [00:55:23] And what would happen, what would it say about you if a mission didn’t get accomplished? Or if a mission didn’t get defined? Like what would be the upshot of that? What would it say about you if we were to let go of that?

Ian: [00:55:58] The initial kind of reactions that I notice is that you can’t let go of that, because there are people relying on us

Dr. Peter: [00:56:05] People relying on you. Okay.

Ian: [00:56:06] Specifically my family. My wife, my children.

Dr. Peter: [00:56:13] Yeah. This part’s got a lot of emphasis on responsibilities, duties. Does that make sense to you, Ian? You as your innermost self.

Ian: [00:56:26] It really does. Yeah.

Dr. Peter: [00:56:28] Yeah. All right. Let that part know that you get it. Let that part know that you get it. And is that something that you feel is important, to carry out responsibilities, to meet your duty? Is that something that you, as your innermost self, thinks is important?

Ian: [00:56:51] Yeah. I do see that as important.

Dr. Peter: [00:56:54] All right. Let him know that. Let him know that. That you get that and that you share that. And that that is actually, as the innermost self, that’s your domain really. That he doesn’t have to actually make that happen, because he’s a part. He can share in the responsibility. He can share in that. But you actually have been granted the graces and the capabilities to lead and guide your system. And would it be okay for him to let you do that? Or does he really feel like he has to lead the way on that? Just kind of curious if this is like a fathomable, like, idea, like something that could be imagined, or if this just seems outside of the realm of possibility.

Ian: [00:58:09] What I noticed, as you were kind of saying some of those things, was the the tension or the tightness in the stomach and back lessened. There was almost like a sense of relief that there’s somebody else. Yeah, because his mission, drive, has been tied to protecting exiles or protecting maybe like a sense of of pain or inadequacy. I think going back to that question of, what is he afraid would happen if he didn’t fulfill the mission? Not only then does that have a negative impact on others, but it also then serves as confirmation that we don’t have what it takes.

Dr. Peter: [00:59:22] Yeah. Fear of being not enough. Something like that.

Ian: [00:59:28] Big fear for it. Yeah.

Dr. Peter: [00:59:32] Yeah, that makes so much sense to me.

Ian: [00:59:35] Because we’re not enough, that will have negative repercussions on those closest to us, on those that we are supposed to protect.

Dr. Peter: [01:00:00] Well, I just have parts that want to be able to speak this, that it’s too much for any one part to have to take on the responsibility for the whole. It’s just that’s more than any part can bear.

Ian: [01:00:17] And I’m letting him know that. Also, just really very grateful for how he does look out for my family and for those around me, for clients, for those in the community that I’m trying to serve. Like really appreciate that. And even actually how he’s tried to protect, maybe that’s a part of myself that has in the past felt inadequate and felt alone. He’s taken on a lot of missions, really heavy burdens. Yeah.

Dr. Peter: [01:01:09] Yeah, let him take in that appreciation. It’s got such good intentions, you know, to try to help.

Ian: [01:01:30] It was really good for him. He feels like he’s like, man, I’ve been behind enemy lines so much. Kind of like on these solo missions, in a way. Just to, you know, like connect with somebody else is just really refreshing. It feels less alone.

Dr. Peter: [01:01:55] And what do you notice about that tightness in your back now? Back, in other places?

Ian: [01:02:05] It’s not present actually. There’s a, it’s funny, it’s gone from, I think a special ache in my stomach and chest. Like there was, you know, that tightness. And now there’s like a sense of space. Space and openness.

Dr. Peter: [01:02:25] I don’t know if this is helpful at all to you, Ian. You can tell me if it resonates with your parts, but I sort of imagine this part of you, Captain America, alone in a rowing shell, like in the fourth seat, with one oar, trying to make it happen, you know. And now I’m imagining, like, eight parts of you in the seats, 1 to 8, of the rowing shell with your innermost self in the back as the coxswain. Like this image of, what would it be like if we worked together? What would it be like if there was this deeper sense of integration, of parts like contributing in a way that’s life-giving and really like fruitful, adaptive, I don’t know how to say it, for each part, you know. But they don’t have to run the whole boat, you know? Does that make sense?

Ian: [01:03:31] Yeah, it does, because kind of a message that kind of comes up in response is like, yeah, but like running the whole boat by myself or doing these behind the line missions — it’s just been too much. It’s, a one man mission does not work.

Dr. Peter: [01:03:50] Yeah. The words that come to my mind are, mission impossible. Like, literally impossible. You know, like, yeah. Totally get it. That makes so much sense to me.

Ian: [01:04:04] I can’t control outcomes or people’s responses. Parts want to. And it feels like an unmanageable burden, really.

Dr. Peter: [01:04:22] Well, because it is. It’s not just a function of not trying hard enough or not giving enough or not, you know, sacrificing enough. It’s actually literally impossible. And it’s not something that anyone is asking either. I mean, well, maybe some other parts of some other people are asking this part to do it. I want to be careful about that, but it’s not something that this part is ordained to do. It’s not something that God is asking this part to do. Because God knows that this part is a part, you know.

Ian: [01:05:10] Kind of letting me know he saw no other way, really, to move forward, to protect me and others. So he stepped into the mission.

Dr. Peter: [01:05:25] Yeah. And when did that happen? How old were you? Or what year was it when that happened? Just ask him. See what he says.

Ian: [01:05:57] I get a sense of around middle school. That transition from elementary to middle.

Dr. Peter: [01:06:07] Okay. So you’re 10, 11 years old. Something like that, maybe.

Ian: [01:06:13] Or maybe like, yeah, 12, 13.

Dr. Peter: [01:06:19] And this may sound a little odd, but just ask him how old you are now. Ask him how old he thinks you are now.

Ian: [01:06:36] It’s funny. So kind of, he’s like, well, I know we’re 36, 37. Like, yeah, I know that’s what we are. But there’s still that part that carries some of those experiences that happened in that transition. And he still he sees it as kind of like important to protect, really, some of those internal experiences maybe that I had, at the time, of feeling alone, not feeling connected, experiences of rejection. I know we’re an adult now, but there’s still those experiences that are carried. Need to make sure that that doesn’t happen again.

Dr. Peter: [01:07:40] Yeah. Because if they happened again or if this stuff revivified, like what would be? I mean, if he’s okay with at least letting you know. Letting us know as a separate thing. But like, what would happen if that got revivified or if that played out again?

Ian: [01:08:13] Yeah. Rejection. Loss of connection. Loneliness. In his mind, very big stakes. Yeah.

Dr. Peter: [01:08:33] Yeah. Well, that makes sense to me. Sound like big stakes to me, too. Can he sense you, Ian? Can he see you or hear you or feel your presence in some way? Or is he more disconnected somehow?

Ian: [01:08:58] He definitely feels that connection because he feels less alone right now. That’s, I think, the sense of openness, kind of that experience in my stomach and chest right now, is that. He doesn’t feel that same sense of urgency to protect because he’s not the only one there.

Dr. Peter: [01:09:22] Yeah. Does he know that you are in you all the time, that you as the innermost self are at the core of you, or is that does it seem more transitory in some way, or something like that for him?

Ian: [01:09:44] Yeah, I think that feels kind of like almost new information. He takes in, where it’s like you know at times where he’s having to get into the boatswain seat of, using your analogy, right. He’s the one having to call, or kind of make the shots.

Dr. Peter: [01:10:04] Yeah. Because it can feel like, and in fact at the time may have been, the really only option. You know, whenever that was, 25 years ago, that may have been the only option. But that was then. This is now. This is different. There’s a lot of potentialities now that didn’t exist back 25 years ago.

Ian: [01:10:41] He likes the sound of that in theory. It’s like, oh, well how do we do that then?

Dr. Peter: [01:10:52] Yeah. That’s kind of some interest there. Some curiosity about like, yeah. Absolutely. It’s an astonishing thing to primary manager parts, to discover the innermost self is both real and capable. That’s like a total game changer, when that begins to seep into, like the experiential, knowing. When it’s no longer just a pleasant idea or a theoretical concept, but it actually is like, whoa. So I’m almost imagining, to bring in yet another analogy. I’m almost imagining, like Captain America flying the plane, you know? And your innermost self has, like, showed up in the copilot seat. You know, to just say, “hey, you know, I’m here.” You know, like.

Ian: [01:12:04] Yeah, that’s kind of what the experience is like. This is a part that I’ve known, I’ve even connected with. But I think maybe at times, or it’s just then you hone in on the mission, or like you’re saying, flying a plane, and you can forget that. That self is not just there, but like really wanting him to know that I’m present. Not just like in a kind of ethereal way, but in a real, I’m here to connect and help.

Dr. Peter: [01:12:39] Yeah. Well, I’m wondering if the two of you could have some more time together, just to kind of work out how this plane is going to be flown, you know. Because sometimes that giving up of the executive control can be really difficult, you know. Like, or it’s not going to be, I often think that parts like this can be like Curious George, and sometimes they just forget. Sometimes they just forget that there’s an innermost self, right? It’s just, you know. Because it’s easy to lapse back into, you know, traditional, habitual ways of doing things. The neural networks are established after years. But could we have some glimmers here, you know, where this part becomes maybe more self-led, you know, in an IFS kind of terminology, right?

Ian: [01:13:38] Yeah. Where he’s in the row of the boat, he doesn’t have to be in, you know, doing the calls.

Dr. Peter: [01:13:43] Or even if he’s doing the calls, he’s doing it in consultation with the innermost self. If he doesn’t feel comfortable yet relinquishing it all, you know, but just kind of that familiarity, you know what I’m saying? It can be a gradual thing. And just wondering how that’s landing, if that’s attractive, if that’s appealing.

Ian: [01:14:05] Actually really appreciates that, because it’s not like a wrenching reins, like appreciates that collaboration.

Dr. Peter: [01:14:13] Yeah. He doesn’t have to be “demoted” in a sense, in quotes, you know, or kicked out, but that this can happen more gradually. This can happen in an incremental way that is not so abrupt and jarring necessarily, but that is powerful in its gradualness, you know. Does that make sense?

Ian: [01:14:35] It does. And he feels kind of that there’s a recognition for the good things that he has to offer, the strengths that he has in a collaborative kind of fashion. So it kind of feels for him like a both-and. It’s like, oh, okay, like I have something to offer, and I don’t have to be the one who is, you know, carrying the ship, so to speak. So it feels good.

Dr. Peter: [01:15:07] Well, I’m wondering if this would be a good time for you to just kind of hang out with that part for a little bit, just to see if we can land it here. Unless there’s something else, I’m totally open to something else. If there’s something else that needs to happen. But also to get kind of maybe a little more specific about like, okay, like what would be a good next step? You know, could we spend some time together on this collaboration, you know, together, innermost self and Captain America, and and yeah, kind of get deliberate about the relationship, you know. Does that sound okay?

Ian: [01:15:45] Yeah, it does. I think from him, or from another part, kind of what comes up is, is balance or rest. Because it’s very hard for me to have, it’s hard for him to kind of have that balance and rest when he has that sense of urgency, you know, and is kind of mission-driven. But that’s something that feels very, it’s like, oh, I’d really like to be able to rest. Maybe what that would look like, yeah.

Dr. Peter: [01:16:19] Yeah. I think that’s something that’s absolutely critical for him. And it’ll get easier too, when the exile in the subsystem or the exiles in the subsystem can get their needs met, too. Like there’s another side to this, you know. Well, I’m going to invite you to kind of spend some time in that work, with that part. You know, you don’t have to stay engaged at all. I’m going to check in with David about the observer role, and then we’ll circle back and have an opportunity to see if there’s anything else that parts might want you to speak for them or share, you know, on their behalf before we draw this all to a close. So, that sound good?

Ian: [01:17:01] Thanks, Peter. Yeah, it does.

Dr. Peter: [01:17:03] Beautiful. Good to be with you guys. All right, so, David, if this is a good moment, just thought we might have a little opportunity to debrief about anything parts would like to share about what happened in the observer role for you, your parts, during the demo with Ian.

David: [01:17:21] Yeah. Well, I felt like I was, just kind of like had my sergeant, that part, kind of here, listening in and just kind of appreciating the similarities. You know, what felt really similar between our parts, mine and Ian’s. It’s like, yeah, this part for me takes on all sorts of burdens, just willfully. It’s like, I always have to do the hardest thing, you know? And it felt really similar to that. Like one moment in my session, that part, like, looked at me and saw like, oh, there’s someone here. I like that. You know, someone who can be a leader. So I was just appreciating that, you know, the similarity.

Dr. Peter: [01:18:14] Rarely do we run across dynamics in demos that are just totally idiosyncratic to one person, you know? Like, there’s so many commonalities, you know, among parts and their experiences and the roles and the burdens and the struggles. So it makes so much sense to me, you know.

David: [01:18:32] One other thing is what Ian said real early on. “What’s the mission here?” And that part, that really, I don’t know what that was for me, but something like really came up for me that was excited about that word. And not even necessarily in a burdensome or burdened way, but just loved the word. So I just thought that was, you know, interesting. Mission can be like, it could be a sense of burden to a part, but also a sense of freedom and kind of like different places. And different parts respond different ways to the same things.

Dr. Peter: [01:19:17] Beautiful. Thank you. And again, an invitation to you, the viewers, the listeners, to just reflect on what that observer role was like for you. You know, to be able to take the time, maybe write it down, give your parts a voice in writing about, yeah. What came up for you in that? And is there a next right step for you in working with a particular part that may have come up? So just to be able to draw from it something for you as a good next step. And then Ian, just anything that you’d like to debrief from? You know, anything that you’d like to share with us about that experience that feels right and good to all your parts. Any part has veto power. If they’re like, we don’t want to say that, any one part can say, nope, not going to say that. So, no pressure. But yeah.

Ian: [01:20:05] It feels good. I think kind of where you were, what the experience I think kind of helps with parts recognize is, in the experience of not feeling alone and specifically in me connecting with the part that has kind of felt like he’s had so much kind of mission and kind of like, all right, this is on you, in a way. When he felt that connection with me, then when you’re talking about like, with the exile or kind of like the parts that have felt maybe alone or rejected, there’s now kind of an awareness of, oh, like if this was a possibility for the part that has just held onto mission all the time, maybe there’s a chance for these other parts as well, to feel less alone. The parts that carry experiences of feeling alone or rejected or yeah, maybe carry a sense of inadequacy. Things like that.

Dr. Peter: [01:21:11] Yeah. Because parts watch what goes on in the system. And sometimes they’re like, “Hey, I want some of that.” And then parts begin to believe that if it’s possible for me, like you were saying, it may be possible for these other parts, even these parts that I never thought it would be possible for. Maybe, because if I didn’t think it was possible for me, but it happened. So there’s some sort of how this ripples out. There’s sort of like this expansion of the good inside, you know, and the love is kind of expanding out to encompass more and more parts as that integration happens. Yeah. Well, beautiful. Any final thoughts from either of you that you’d like to leave with our viewers or our listeners in this episode? Anything that kind of is on your heart, or that maybe a part wants you to speak for them. Again, no pressure. But if there is something that just seems significant, as a parting thought, if you will, a final offering, a little gift.

Ian: [01:22:15] I mean, for me, I think just a lot of parts feel very kind of grateful and respected in the process. So, yeah. Really, really appreciate that from you, Peter, and from you, David, in making that possible.

David: [01:22:34] Well, I feel like I have a part maybe, that wants to offer just a word of encouragement to everyone to not be afraid to know your parts. I think that’s been something I’ve seen from me, a lot of my clients too, is, you know, the fear of like, what will I find that’s there? You know. And would that be really bad or devastating in some way? But that the deeper I’ve gone, the further I’ve gone, so far, in knowing my parts, there’s been nothing devastating. And it turns out I actually can love all my parts. And I really believe that they are all good. So yeah, just encouragement there. Don’t be afraid to.

Dr. Peter: [01:23:32] Yeah. Because parts are often not as they seem. You know, they’re not as other parts necessarily understand them. Any part that’s not in right relationship with the innermost self has a really limited partial vision, you know, and can misunderstand things because they’re looking through, you know, young lenses, you know, less than fully mature ways of understanding and such. So yeah, so totally makes sense to me. Well, a lot of gratitude from my parts to yours, to both of yours, for just such inspiring work. You know, when you guys do this work, it lifts all of us up in the mystical Body of Christ. Because not only are we brothers in Christ, and that encompasses all of our parts, all of our parts participate in that brotherhood, whether they realize it or not, you know. But that we’re also one body. We’re also one body. You know, Christ the head. And so when you do this work, it actually lifts up the whole body. And it benefits me, not in just some sort of abstract, conceptual way, but actually in a real way. And so I’m edified. I’m inspired. I’m energized by watching you and being invited along in you doing this beautiful work with your parts. It’s a comfort to me to know that there are two guys out there and there are many more, right. But that there are two guys out there that are doing this work and are sharing it, you know, with their clients, with their families, with those that they know. So I’m really grateful for both of you in that. It’s a blessing to be with you.

Dr. Peter: [01:25:15] All right. So, join in the conversation. Ask me questions on YouTube. Comments. There’s a space for that for this video. I will get to them. And if you liked this podcast episode, go ahead and like it on YouTube. Subscribe to us on our YouTube channel, Interior Integration, and then the number four, for Catholics. So Interior Integration for Catholics with the number four. Help us get the word out to those who need it. And always we appreciate the ratings and the written reviews at Apple Podcasts. Also, this word mission came up over and over again in the demos, right? This idea of mission appeals to so many people. And we are, in my semi-monthly reflections, we are writing vision, values, and mission statements, and we’re doing it in a parts-based way. In other words, including all of the parts in on the vision, all of the parts in on the values, all of the parts in on the mission. And so I invite you to become a part of that. You can check all that out in our archive at soulsandhearts.com/blog. We are having occasional Zoom meetings. They’re free. They’re open to folks that listen to the podcast, that read the semi-monthly reflections. So you’re welcome to get on board with those.

Dr. Peter: [01:26:32] The Resilient Catholics Community has reopened to new members as of October 1st. We have nearly 400 members on a pilgrimage to better human formation. There’s a structured year-long Foundations program. You have companions, you have companies. You don’t have to do this alone. There is a way for us to be able to do this together. You also get the PartsFinder Pro, which is a series of 18 measures to help you jumpstart identifying your own parts, or at least their roles. 3 to 5 of your manager parts, 3 to 5 of your firefighter parts, 3 to 5 of your exiles, and also the relationships among your parts. You know, how they align or how they polarize. And so that is something that you could take a look at. We have a 19-minute discernment experiential exercise that’s about whether you should even apply to the RCC. It can help you with that, help you get in touch with your parts about any concerns they have about even applying, and whether it’s a good idea for you. So you can check that out in the YouTube description. You can find out a lot more also about the Resilient Catholics Community at soulsandhearts.com/rcc. And now I would like you to hear and see and take in the experience of Elizabeth in the RCC. Elizabeth is a member of the Resilient Catholics Community, and she’s sharing with us her testimonial of what that experience has been like.

Elizabeth: [01:27:58] Hi there, my name is Elizabeth and I am 27 years old and I have been a member of the Resilient Catholics Community for going on three years now. So I joined when I was 25. And I just wanted to share a little bit about how completely transformative the RCC has been for my life, and how I definitely would not be where I am today without it. So three years ago, before I joined the RCC, I was displaying symptoms of all kinds of things. I had symptoms of bipolar disorder. I got diagnosed with all the things, like anxiety, depression, borderline OCD, borderline bipolar. I would lay down on the couch to take a short nap, and I would accidentally wake up four hours later and I was literally sleeping through work. Another example of one of my symptoms is I would, for days on end, for certain weeks, I would feel hungry, but then as soon as I put food in my mouth, I would feel nauseous. So I’d have to spit it out. And I was just really physically and mentally suffering from all the effects of the burdens that my parts were carrying. And at that point, so when I was 25 years old, I was already seeking all of the help from the secular world and then also the Catholic world. So I was in cognitive behavior therapy. I was taking all the antidepressant medications. I was also going to spiritual direction. I had all kinds of advice getting thrown at me, like, just pray more.

Elizabeth: [01:29:44] Do this novena. Go to confession more. Do this, do that. And I was going to daily Mass. I went to confession every week. And I was doing all these things. And still the symptoms persisted. And I was incapable of having conversations and relationships was just a mess. And this was the state I was in when I joined the RCC. And through these last three years, it has completely turned me around. I’ve, like through the RCC and the work with internal family systems, I have been able to relax all the parts of me that have images of God that are actually not true to who he is. I’ve been able to enter into relationship with the parts of me that were expressing all the symptoms of all the mental illnesses. My relationship with God is a thousand times better than it’s ever been in my whole life. And most important, well, I guess my relationship with God is most important, but second most important, I got married. So I was able to get married six months ago because of the work that Dr. Peter guided me through and all of us through in the Resilient Catholics Community. So yeah, without this work in the RCC, I would never have been in a mental state to have a healthy, loving relationship with my boyfriend and then fiancé and now husband. And for all those reasons, I am just so grateful for the RCC.

Dr. Peter: [01:31:14] And I want to just thank you, Elizabeth, for the beautiful work that you’ve done in the RCC, and for being willing to share your experience with us in this testimonial. You can also talk with me about it. I’m in conversation hours every Tuesday and Thursday from 4:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. Eastern time on my cell phone, (317) 567-9594. That’s a private conversation, but it’s not a clinical consultation. I can’t provide any clinical services, but it’s an opportunity to talk about the Resilient Catholics Community, any of the topics in this podcast, or anything that I put out in my semi-monthly reflections. Every Tuesday and Thursday, 4:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. Eastern time on (317) 567-9594. So thank you for being here. Thank you for engaging with this podcast. Again, another thank you to you, David, to you, Ian, for just really engaging and doing this work, lifting up all of us in the mystical Body of Christ. And so we’ll draw this to a close by invoking our patroness and our patron. Our Lady, our Mother, Untier of Knots, pray for us. Saint Joseph, pray for us. Saint John the Baptist, pray for us.

Special thanks to the Human Formation Coalition, who provided the support to make this transcript available.