“Man’s life comes from God; it is his gift, his image and imprint, a sharing in his breath of life.” – Pope John Paul II, Evangelium Vitae (March, 1995).
Dear Souls and Hearts Member,
We have about 24 hours until Christmas. What does that mean for most people?
Stress.
To-do lists, grocery shopping, cooking, baking, final gift purchases, invitations to parties (or not), time pressure, travel plans, family visits, decorations, schedule coordination, wrapping presents – the list goes on and on – on top of all the demands of regular life. What does it lead to?
Stress.
You can see it in the drawing above, the weight of all the demands of the season in the left frame.
In this reflection, I share some resources to help you with the intensity of anxiety and stress in the holidays – to help you get some “breathing space” and move to the peace, recollection, and focus depicted in the right frame of the drawing.
We are given life by God’s breath
Genesis 2:7 reads “…then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.”
To create us as living beings, God gave us the gift of his breath, the breath of life. Since that first breath given to our first parents, our human race has kept on breathing through scores of centuries, as the Holy Spirit sustains us in life. Breath was at the beginning, and it was a symbol of life for the ancients through the present day. In every moment, our breath is a gift from God as St. Paul tells us in his address to the Athenians in Acts 17:25b “…[God] Himself gives to all men life and breath and everything.”
“Life and breath and everything” – that sums it all up.
We are embodied beings
As part of the gift of our existence, God gives us our souls, and He also gives us our bodies, as His abode, as temples of the Holy Spirit (see 1 Corinthians 6:19). The Vatican II document Gaudium et Spes reads “Man, though made of body and soul, is a unity.” [§ 14]. And in that unity, the soul (which includes the mind) influences the body.
And one of the most effective and immediate ways we can regulate our bodies is through our breath.
Breathing deliberately
Ever since we were little, our parents, teachers, coaches, and other have advised us to “take a breath” or “take a breather” when we were upset or agitated.
And that works.
Sometimes just one deep breath can help us reset – can help us change direction and gain perspective and calm down. That can be the power of one breath.
Deliberate deep breathing can intentionally activate the parasympathetic nervous system through the vagus nerve, deactivating the fight/flight response and signaling to the body that it is time to relax and calm down (see this article for all the neurophysiological details).
But let’s get a little more refined in our approaches. What does the research around breathing and the management of stress responses reveal to us in the natural realm?
A 2023 meta-analysis by Fincham and his colleagues in the journal Nature titled Effect of breathwork on stress and mental health: A meta-analysis of randomised-controlled trials reviewed 12 trials and found a significant positive effects of controlled breathing on stress and mental health for the 785 adult participants, compared to control conditions.
Okay. Enough of the neurophysiological theory and research.
Cautions
Some standard cautions about breathing exercises – take what works for you. If you are breathing compromised in some way, such as having asthma or a lung condition, consult with your healthcare professional.
If you have a trauma history that includes some element of breathing in it, I invite you to be especially mindful of the impact of breathing on your system. I have worked with clients for whom breathing is complex matter – partly because of parts that sought a felt sense of safety in holding breath – and being absolutely silent, to better hide and avoid detection from others perceived to be dangerous in some way. That’s not the case for most people, but we do want to be thoughtful about how we seek a calmer experience.
And speaking of parts, it’s important that protector parts not use calm breathing techniques as means to silence parts who are trying to communicate distress through the body, intense emotions (such as anxiety) or some other internal experience. Instrumentalizing calm breathing in this way merely suppresses parts and the intensity of their experiences outside of awareness without working through the reasons why parts are distressed in the first place.
Finally, from an anthropological angle, many breathing techniques have religious origins – many originate in yoga, which I find to be problematic for many reasons so aptly described by the Dominican priest Fr. Ezra Sullivan (see this video, article, and his five-article series at spiritualdirection.com)
Now, let’s get down to the practical applications. How can I help you to breathe in a way that calms your system right now, in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season?
Simple step-by step guides to breathing to calm stress and anxiety
Deep breathing
A simple exercise for deep breathing, which can break the cycle of short, shallow breaths that perpetuate a fight-or-flight response:
- As you stand or sit, move your elbows back slightly to allow your chest to expand.
- Inhale deeply through your nose.
- Hold your breath for a count of five – about five seconds.
- Slowly let your breath out, exhaling through your nose.
Diaphragmatic breathing
Diaphragmatic breathing has been shown to be helpful for a variety of conditions. In his 2020 narrative review of its effectiveness, Hidetaka Hamasaki describes the diaphragmatic breathing this way:
“[Diaphragmatic breathing or DB] is defined as breathing in slowly and deeply through the nose using the diaphragm with a minimum movement of the chest in a supine position [on the back] with one hand placed on the chest and the other on the belly. During breathing, practitioners should be careful that chest remains as still as possible and stomach moves against the hand focusing on contracting the diaphragm. Generally, DB practitioners inhale and exhale for approximately six seconds, respectively.”
Experiential exercises
But let’s take breathing a little deeper. In this first five-minute experiential breathing exercise (audio here), I invite you into the kind of breathing that helps many Catholic calm down. Remember, you can stop the recording whenever it’s helpful to extend the time in the exercise.
And in this 15-minmute exercise (audio here), we bring in some parts work with agitated or distressed parts to help them calm down, in part through breathing, and with a deeper focus on getting to the root of parts’ distress. It may be helpful to have some pens, pencils, and paper for this exercise.
I hope you find these helpful. And thank you for doing your work with your parts in this often-stressful season.
“Jesus Prayer” option
You can also bring the Jesus prayer into your breathing (see this Aleteia article for more background).
“He belongs to you, but more than that, He longs to be in you, living and ruling in you, as the head lives and rules in the body. He wants His breath to be in your breath, His heart in your heart, and His soul in your soul.” — St. John Eudes
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Join me, Dr. Peter, at the Divine Fulfilment Conference online December 27-29 (free)
I am very excited that Daniel Coleman invited me to present “Spiritual Abuse, Spiritual Trauma, Recovery, and Human Formation” for about two hours (and I worked in parts, too) as part of the Divine Fulfilment Conference, which is available for free this weekend, from December 27-29. This online conference is a response from more than 50 speakers to Bishop Robert Barron’s call for a better integration of mental health and spiritual practice, including Dr. Bob Schuchts, Jason Evert, Dan Burke, Theresa Burke, seven archbishops and bishops, and some of our Souls and Hearts members, including Sam Guzman, who will be presenting on IFS, Jamie Baxter of Exodus 90, and psychologist Omar Bravo.
More than 1500 people have already registered and I heartily encourage you to check it out – there will be more than 40 hours of video content. More information is here. The online conference is free from December 27-29; it can be purchased afterward for $99 – use this affiliate link, and Souls and Hearts will benefit as well – it’s the first affiliate program we have ever done. I personally am buying this conference because most of the biggest names in Catholic mental health are presenting, and Daniel Coleman is an excellent interviewer.
New Interior Integration for Catholics podcast episode
Check out newly-released episode 156 of the IIC podcast titled Attachment, Love, God, and Parts Q&A with Dr. Peter Martin (video; audio). Here’s the description:
Real people, real questions. Parts, attachment, human formation, marriage, conscience, intimacy with God, connection with your innermost self… Dr. Peter Martin answers audience questions and leads a discussion in this episode, recorded live. Join in as a “fly on the wall” for the most cutting edge thinking and research on attachment and parts work, applied to the practical problems and issues we face in both the natural and spiritual realms.
Also, don’t forget to subscribe to the IIC YouTube Channel, and like and comment on our episodes – it helps us so much to get the word out to others who have not yet discovered the podcast and Souls and Hearts, as YouTube is the second-largest search engine.
Dr. Peter a guest on The One Inside podcast episode 190 – Loving with your Parts
The One Inside, hosted by Tammy Sollenberger is the largest IFS podcast in the world, and Tammy honored me by having me on as a guest for episode 190 – Loving with Your Parts. Here’s the description:
On today’s episode I speak with my friend and fellow podcaster Dr. Peter Malinoski, a clinical psychologist, IFS Level 3-trained practitioner, and co-founder of Souls and Hearts. Peter shares his journey of integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS) with his Catholic faith, and building bridges between these two communities through his work with the Resilient Catholics Community and his Interior Integration for Catholics podcast channel on YouTube
We talk about understanding parts, healing attachment wounds, and embracing love. At around 26 minutes in Peter offers a wonderful experiential exercise/meditation where he invites you to go inside and connect with your parts to understand their assumptions, experiences, and beliefs around love.
Key Takeaways:
- IFS provides a powerful healing framework that integrates beautifully with Catholic spirituality.
- Why is it often so difficult for parts to feel safe being loved or offering love?
- Protectors can play critical roles in bridging internal and external relationships when approached with curiosity and respect.
- Healing relational wounds begins with internal harmony—inviting all parts to participate in Self-Led love.
- Self Energy serves as a secure base for engaging with exiles, protectors, and divine connection.
Intimacy from the Inside Out study group with David Edwards
The IFS Institute is offering a 6-month self-paced program to learn Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), an IFS-based approach to couples therapy. The program runs from February to July of 2025, and includes online on-demand learning as well as a live Q&A event each month. Within Souls and Hearts Formation for Formators Community, anyone who would like to register and complete this program is invited to participate in group sessions every other week throughout the 6 months, just with FFF members, where we can discuss what we are learning, share case consultations, practice together, and see what other ways we can support each other in our learning. The cost as-is is $495, but if we have a good amount of people who would like to do it, then we will see if we can negotiate a bulk discount from the IFS Institute. If you would like to participate, please email FFF staff member David Edwards at david@stjosephcounseling.com.
Conversation hours with Dr. Peter
Remember, every Tuesday and Thursday (except December 24) from 4:30 to 5:30 PM Eastern Time, I take calls on my cell phone (317.567.9594) about any theme from these reflections or from the IIC podcast. Call me up, and let’s talk. If I’m on another call, leave me a voicemail and I will call you back. I don’t provide any clinical services, but I so appreciate feedback and connection on what we offer through Souls and Hearts.
Pray for us
And as always, please pray for us at Souls and Hearts. All our initiatives, all our endeavors, all our content is fueled by the prayer of our members. We need you, and we need your prayers, for our offerings to you and the rest of the world. Please pray for us. We are praying for you.
Warm Regards in the Baby Jesus and His Mother as we enter the Christmas Season,
Dr. Peter