Writing your Personal Values Statement as a Catholic

Dear Souls and Hearts Member,

It is so good to resume our series on personal values statements after a brief detour into the topics of Purgatory and polarizations.

Just to recap and review, here are the dates, titles, and links to the previous episodes in this whole series on vision and values statements for your reference and convenience:

July 22, 2024  Your Vision, Mission, and Values

August 12, 2024  Writing your Personal Vision Statement as a Catholic

August 26, 2024 What are your Personal Values?

September 11, 2024  Understanding Values More Deeply

September 25, 2024 Discerning Your Aspirational Values with Catholic Saints and Traditional Spiritualities

October 14, 2024  Receiving the Light of Natural Aspirational Values from Non-Catholic Sources

Ten general considerations for the values statement writing process

Before we get into the step-by-step guidance on writing your personal values statement, I want to share with you ten general principles to provide you with an overarching orientation and inform the process of choosing and writing down your personal values.  Here we go with the general principles:

1. Patience with yourself: Let’s recognize that this writing process could take some time, and you might experience some blocks and hindrances. That’s normal.  See if you can get curious about what might be getting in the way of writing out your values statement.  Those blocks and hindrances can contain messages from parts who are concerned about the process of writing your values statement, and as such, provide opportunities to connect with those parts in a deeper, more loving way.  If you experience blocks or hindrances, see if you can consider them gifts, and be thankful, both to God and to your resisting parts.  Gratitude toward parts perceived as “difficult” is usually unexpected and can open and deepen your internal conversation.
2. Seek to be less blended: In a nutshell, unblending is when parts soften, relax back, and allow space for your innermost self to lead and guide your system and connect with more of your parts. Blending and unblending are on a continuum.

• You can find out more in this article by Alessio Rizzo titled Unblending from parts – one of the hidden gems of IFS Therapy.
• IFS therapist and podcaster Tammy Sollenberger discusses blending and unblending in her The One Inside podcast episode titled IFS and Unblending on a Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day.
• Also, as a little gift and preview, here is a very brief experiential exercise on unblending that is included in the material for Week 5 in the Resilience Catholics Community

3. Start with your vision statement: It is generally a good idea to write your personal vision statement before starting on your values statement because your vision statement is the “guiding star” in your life. I laid out the steps to writing your vision statement in the reflection from August 12, 2024 titled Writing your Personal Vision Statement as a Catholic.
4. Flexibility: There is no one right way to write a personal values statement.  The writing process rarely advances in a straightforward, linear, or lockstep manner. Go with what works for you rather than attempting to conform to preconceived ideas, including ideas that I am sharing with you in this reflection
5. Openness and receptivity: Some of my greatest progress on my own personal vision statement came at odd moments, when I was not expecting insights or answers. Be open to receiving inspirations at unexpected times; consider keeping a notebook at hand for jotting down inspirations and ideas whenever they come to you.
6. Include all your parts: So often, manager parts see a personal values statement as a task to be completed, something to check off the to-do list, and they generate impulses to just run away with it, leaving other parts out. It is highly recommended that you invite as many parts as you have connection with into the process. Parts who have had their values considered in the writing process are more likely to invest in helping you live in accordance with your personal values statement.
7. Consider your parts’ actual values: In my August 26, 2024 reflection titled What are your Personal Values?, I discussed how to more deeply understand your parts actual values, which generally reflect their unmet attachment needs and integrity needs. It can be very helpful to write down these unmet needs for each part, as you consider the values in your statement.
8. Humility: Let’s work to accept ourselves including our parts, where each is at in the moment.  It can be tempting, especially for spiritual managers, to create a personal values statement consisting solely of very high, spiritual, aspirational values, neglecting more mundane, developmental, and very human needs carried by parts. I address these at length in the October 14, 2024, reflection titled Receiving the Light of Natural Aspirational Values from Non-Catholic Sources.  If parts of you need to do basic development work such as setting appropriate limits and boundaries to be self-possessed before soaring up to the level of “dying to self,” then value the boundaries and get your prerequisites for complete self-giving established first, in the proper order.
9. Companionship on the journey: It is so helpful to be accompanied on your journey of writing your personal values statement – so to that end, see if a friend, family member or acquaintance might be willing to write his or her own statement and with the two of you sharing your process. Alternatively, a trusted other can be a sounding board to witness your progress in this endeavor, a person you trust with whom you can share the drafts of your personal values statement drafts as they develop.
10. Perseverance: 18^th century English author, poet, and essayist Samuel Johnson stated, “Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance.” Stay with it.  Parts almost always respond eventually to loving attention and sincere attempts to connect.

Ten recommendations for the actual writing process

1. Scheduling: Schedule specific times to work on your statement in a quiet space, relatively free from distractions.  Silence your devices and stay with the project until your end time, even if it doesn’t seem immediately fruitful.
2. Going inside: Turn your gaze inward and notice what it happening in and around your body as you begin this process of writing a personal values statement. Notice any emotions, desires, impulses, attitudes, beliefs, assumptions, or other internal experiences that are coming up.  These may be motivated by parts of you who want to share something about their experience or concerns about the process.  We seek for the writing of your values statement to include all your parts and to be best for all your parts; you can let them know this.
3. Prayer: You may wish to start with prayer, including the request of blind Bartimeus:  Domine, ut videam – “Lord, that I may see.”
4. Pens and pencils: It can be helpful to parts to have colored pens or pencils for writing and drawing, and for each part to be represented by a different color of ink or lead.
5. Review your vision statement: Start a writing session by reviewing your personal vision statement to orient yourself
6. Start with the basic needs of parts: Start with considering the most basic, human needs your parts have in the natural realm and write them down:
   • Attachment needs (the first five of these are derived from Brown and Elliott (2016), and I added the sixth:
     • Safety: My need to feel a sense of safety and protection in relationship — self-protection
     • Recognition: My need to feel seen, heard, known, and understood
     • Reassurance: My need to feel comforted, soothed, and reassured
     • Delight: My need to feel desired, cherished, treasured, delighted in by the other
     • Love: My need to feel that the other has my best interests at heart, holds a position of benevolence and beneficence toward me.
     • Belonging: My need to feel included, of being a valued member of a community with an important role
   •  Integrity needs (I compiled these from my own experience and a variety of sources)
     • Survival: My need to exist and to survive.
     • Importance: My need to matter in the world, to be significant
     • Agency: My need for autonomy, to be able to exert influence on others and to make at least a small difference the world
     • Goodness: My need to be good in my essence, in my person
     • Mission: My need for mission, purpose, and a vision to guide my life
     • Authentic expression: My need to share and communicate with others what feels true and real within me rather than pretend otherwise
7. Values can and should reflect parts’ needs:  It’s very good for your chosen values to reflect ways that these needs of your parts can be met in a healthy way, in order to love yourself.  Loving yourself is essential for you to be able to love others, as I explained in this reflection and in episode 98 of the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, titled Self-Love: What Catholics Need to Know

8. Natural values: You can consider more natural values listed in in October 14, 2024  Receiving the Light of Natural Aspirational Values from Non-Catholic Sources:
   • Integrity:  Authenticity, Autonomy, Honesty, Self-Respect, Fairness, Justice, Self-expression, Assertiveness, Boundaries, Human Formation
   • Relationship/Attachment:  Friendships, Service, Kindness, Patience, Service, Trust, Vulnerability, Acceptance, Courtesy, Patience, Sharing, Spontaneity, Support, Thoughtfulness, Transparency, Listening, Limits
   • Emotional Regulation:  Parts Work, Peace, Stability, Joy, Serenity, Calm, Restraint
   • Receptivity: Intuition, Openness, Imagination, Silence, Flexibility, Trying new things
   • Childlikeness: Playfulness, Awe, Freedom, Wonder, Curiosity, Transparency, Trust
   • Responsibility: Determination, Accountability, Self-discipline, Commitment, Dependability, Structure
   • Recreation: Fun, Leisure, Sportsmanship, Moderation, Reading, Nature
   • Physical: Health, Sleep, Nutrition, Exercise, Medical Care
   • Family: Time Together, Communication, Affirmations, Little Gifts, Love Languages, “Snippets”
   • Professional: Competency, Collaboration, Initiative, Leadership, Teamwork, Vision, Innovation, Productivity

And many more potential natural values from three sources are in this one downloadable PDF sheet as it might spark some ideas about values you may choose for your own.

9. Aspirational values: Then consider aspirational values.  My reflection from September 25, 2024, titled Discerning Your Aspirational Values with Catholic Saints and Traditional Spiritualities may help you in finding some if you get stuck in this part.  These values are often more spiritual in nature.
10. Save the goals for later: Remember that we are staying still the realm of values here, not specific goals.  As I noted the September 25 reflection, “…values are still general – we get into specifics when we identify goals.  For example, “sleep” is a value that a Catholic mom may want to cherish more; “getting to bed by 10 PM each weeknight” would be a goal ordered to that value.”  We will discuss goals later in our series.

You might also benefit from reviewing our previous In our next reflection on December 9, 2024, I will share with you my personal values statement and discuss the process I went through in writing it.

Join me for our final workshop on writing values statements

On Monday evening, December 2, 2024, from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern Time,  I will host the final workshop on writing your personal values statement.  If you’ve been in touch with me via my email at crisis@soulsandhearts.com and are on our mailing list, you should have gotten the link already; I will send it out again to the 120+ who are working through the values statements together earlier in the day on December 2.

Here are video recordings from the previous workshops on vision and values statements:

• Writing your Personal Vision Statement Guidance on writing a vision statement with examples.
• Values Workshop 1: What are values?  How do we approach parts and values?  How some values can and should change over time in dynamic ways, as we value both ends and means.
• Values Workshop 2: Aspirational values and natural values – how both are important.  And how to identify and write your values.
• Values Workshop 3: On choosing your own personal values, connecting your values back to your vision, and I share the seven values in my personal values statement and we discuss the process of writing the values statement.

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Attachment and learning to love on the IIC podcast

Join me for newly-released episode 154 of the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast titled “Attachment and Learning How to Love with Dr. Peter Martin” (video  audio).  This particular episode has been very popular, both on YouTube and in audio on our RSS feed.

Here’s a brief description of the new episode:

Attachment needs, problematic God images, parts, systems, love, and security – no one brings these together quite like seasoned Catholic psychologist Peter Martin in this episode.  Join us as Dr. Martin weaves together the leading edges of conceptual thinking and practical application to provide you a lifeline to grip on to and by which you can climb to a new plane of being as he integrates the four dimensions of personal formation: human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral.  Dr. Martin brings in the best of secular research and theory, firmly grounded a in a fully Catholic understanding of the human person and in Scripture, Tradition, and the Magisterium of the Church.  He also provides downloadable PDF copies of aids he has developed, the Level of Attachment Security in Spiritual Relationships (LASSR) and the Spiritual Support Worksheet–2.

Dr. Martin returns for episode 155 which will release next week, Monday, December 2, 2024, titled “Internalization Evangelization Therapy with Dr. Peter Martin.”  That is another excellent episode you won’t want to miss.

Also, please like and subscribe to our YouTube channel, InteriorIntegration4Catholics – likes, comments, and especially subscriptions help us get the word out to so many more people who can benefit from our offerings and have not yet found us.  Reviews and ratings on Apple Podcasts also help.

Join Dr. Peter Martin and me in IIC episode 156, recorded live

Mark your calendars, save the date!  Thursday evening, December 12, 2024, from 8:00 PM to 9:30 PM Eastern time join Dr. Martin and me for a live recording of episode 156 on Zoom, where we will take your questions lead a discussion about the integration of the four dimensions of personal formation, and how best to include all our parts in a loving, personal relationship with the three Persons of the Trinity.  To join us is free, but registration is required here; we have limited spaces for the first 100 people.

Don’t forget December 2 personal values statement workshop

Remember that Monday evening, December 2, 2024, from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern Time,  I will host the final workshop on writing your personal values statement.  If you are new to these workshops, reach out to me on my email at crisis@soulsandhearts.com and I will get you on the mailing list and send you the Zoom meeting link.

Interest list open for the Resilient Catholics Community

Our RCC staff is onboarding the last of dozens of new RCC members – we are so excited to have so many joining us in the St. Hildegard of Bingen cohort – welcome to all of you.  These adventurers are finishing up their meetings with Marion and Bridget and soon will be matched with their companions for the journey and find out who their company mates are – all in preparation for the launch of their cohort in mid-January, when they start their weekly meetings.

We open our next RCC cohort, the St. Ignatius of Loyola class, for applications on February 1, 2025; if you are seeking to connect deeply with your parts, and overcome your human formation obstacles to loving God, your neighbor, and yourself through a greater understanding of, appreciation for, and love for your parts, check out our RCC landing page and join our interest list to get regular updates as we move closer to the February registration period.

Calling Catholic counselors, therapists, spiritual directors, coaches, and others who engage in formation work

The Formation for Formators community in Souls and Hearts is focused on your personal formation, especially your human formation.  Check our the FFF landing page here – new groups of Catholic formators are launching in early 2025 – space is limited, descriptions are on the FFF landing page, along with registration information.

Pray for us…

As always, I close these reflection with the most important request – that you pray for all of us in Souls and Hearts, all of our members, all our staff.  We are praying for you.  Thank you.

Warm regards in Christ and His Mother,

Dr. Peter