IIC 152: Internal Family Systems Demonstrations Part II with Marion Moreland

Marion: [00:00:00] Welcome to Interior Integration for Catholics, episode 152. This will be Internal Family Systems Demonstration with Marion Moreland. So you might be a little surprised — I am definitely not Dr. Peter. So who am I? I’m first and foremost a beloved little daughter of God. My name, I’m Marion Moreland. I’m the lead navigator for the Resilient Catholics Community in Souls and Hearts. I’m making my debut as a guest host of this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, as Dr. Peter is away. And today I’m very pleased to bring you some demonstrations of internal family systems grounded in a Catholic anthropology and an understanding of the human person, so that you can see what it looks like. There have been lots of experiential exercises on the IC Podcast. Dr. Peter did some with Dr. Gerry and me back in episode 117, titled Discover the Parts Who Make Up Your Personality. But today we’ll be doing some focused one-on-one work in a very individual basis, a demonstration, and you’re invited in. So how does this demo work? We have three roles. We have an accompanier, the accompanied, and an observer role. You are invited into the observer role and we’ll talk about that more in just a minute. This isn’t therapy, but real inner work being done by a real person in real time.

Marion: [00:01:52] I’m so glad to be your host and guide in this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast episode and I’m so glad to be with you. As I mentioned, I’m Marion Moreland. I have a masters of Science in Clinical Counseling from Divine Mercy University. I have my own private practice, Trinitas, because I’m a third order Trinitarian. I am a certified IFS therapist, IFS guide, approved clinical supervisor, and lead navigator for the Resilient Catholics Community. I am a wife, mother and “Obachan”, which is Japanese for grandma and ties back to our time in Japan. But most of all, I’m a beloved little daughter of God. I’m here to help you taste and see the height and depth and breadth and warmth and the light of the love of God, especially God your father, and also Mary, your mother, your spiritual parents, your primary parents. I’m here to help you embrace your identity as a beloved little child of God and Mary. And how? We’re going to do this through a demonstration this week. We’re not just going to talk about human formation. We’re not just going to think about human formation today. We’re going to work on human formation together, experientially. This is episode 152 of the IIC podcast, and it releases on October 21st, 2024. In this episode, we’re continuing an ongoing series on the integration of personal formation, with a twist.

Marion: [00:03:37] For the almost first time in this ongoing series on personal formation — I say almost because in the last episode, Dr. Peter hosted men’s night and did a parts work demonstration with a couple of men. So tonight is ladies night, which means I’m stepping into Dr. Peter’s shoes, and we are going to do a demonstration or something I like to call “witnessed parts work”. What do I mean? I have two volunteers with me today, Caris and Sarah. Caris will be doing some of her own personal work in a demonstration while I accompany her. She’s allowing it to be recorded, and Sarah is going to be witnessing that work. I’ll explain her role in just a bit. So just to introduce to you, first of all, to Caris. Caris is a devoted Catholic wife, mother, and artist. She and her husband have been married 21 years and have two children, 12 and 20. She teaches art and kindergarten at a small traditional Catholic school, and also works as a liturgical florist and decorator for her parish in Indianapolis, Indiana. And if that doesn’t sound busy enough, he also has her own liturgical floral business and is a Midwest speaker for the Flame of Love movement. Sarah is a beloved daughter of God. She joined the RCC in 2022 and helps as a volunteer, mentor and ambassador. She has been a church leader for over 20 years, primarily in life affirming and healing ministry. She is a graduate of the Augustine Institute, Secular Carmelite, and an Adirondack Mountain girl living in the DC area.

Marion: [00:05:33] So here’s the plan for this episode. In a few minutes, I’ll help Caris do a short experiential exercise. You’re welcome to join in. Just make sure you’re in a safe place. After the exercise, Caris will do some parts work while I accompany her. While this is happening, you’re invited to observe with Sarah. You’re invited into this observer role, which gives you an opportunity to notice what’s going on inside of you. Make sure that you’re in a safe setting, space. I don’t recommend doing this while you’re driving a car. Know that as you’re going through it on your own, you can pause it at any time, especially if you need more time with your parts. If you find that you’re flooding or having bigger feelings than you’re ready to deal with, know that you can pause at any time and tend to your system. Your parts may resonate with something coming up in the demo. It’s kind of like tuning forks on the same frequency. It’s a great opportunity to get curious. What is resonating in me? What am I feeling? Also notice if you’re leaving your window of tolerance to the upside, hyper-arousal, fight or flight, or the downside, hypo-arousal, freeze response, dorsal vagal shutdown. Use re-grounding as necessary.

Marion: [00:07:06] Take what is helpful. You can write down, draw, whatever your parts might be sharing with you. It might be helpful to have paper, pencil, and pens. After Caris does her work, I’ll give her a few minutes to journal and spend some quiet time with her system. While she does that, I’m going to spend some time talking with Sarah and asking her to share what resonated, what was she feeling. And then we’ll return and invite Caris back in to have an opportunity to share her response to Sarah’s reaction, as well as any other insight that she may find helpful. So as we’re doing these “witnessed parts work” sessions, I can’t over-value the benefit of being in that observer role. I have done so many of these where I’ve been in the observer role, and they always touch my own system and provide places to begin to do parts work. And my parts might hear something that Caris says in a very different way than they had been able to express it. And that young part might jump in and say, “yes, that’s it, that’s it.” And so I just invite you to sit back, relax, and give yourself space to enter into this. So I just want to touch base with, I’m going to start with Sarah, because you’re going to be in that observer role. How are you feeling about doing this? Are you noticing any parts that might be up?

Sarah: [00:08:51] Yeah. There’s a part that’s excited and a part that, like, is wondering, am I going to do this right? But yeah, really just feeling overall good to be here.

Marion: [00:09:12] Thank you for being here, yeah. And Caris, as we kind of turn your direction, I’m wondering how you’re feeling, what you might be noticing going into this.

Caris: [00:09:25] I have a lot of parts that have a lot to say about everything, but I’m very excited to do it. I’ve always gone into experiential exercises with an open mind and an open heart and whatever my parts want to say, or whoever wants to jump up, “Me, me, I want to speak!” And I’m always so surprised that there’s so much inside. So I’m here for it. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I have a part that wants to know how long we’re going to do this. And, you know, I have all those manager parts that are like, “Okay, well, how long are you going to do this? Who’s going to talk?” You know, but I’m just going to listen to your voice and see what what comes up.

Marion: [00:10:08] Yeah. Well, and that’s kind of what I’m going to be doing is kind of listening to your voice, to your parts, to your system. My guess is will be someplace around 40, 45 minutes. But, you know, if there’s a place naturally before that to end or we need a few extra minutes, we’re really going to do our best to follow your system and what’s best for you. So are there any parts that you feel like you need to speak for?

Caris: [00:10:41] Not at this time.

Marion: [00:10:43] Okay. Well, good. If there are at any point during it that you’ve noticed a part jumping in and needs to speak for something, please feel free to do so, okay? I also want to add that I’m aware this is a very public way to do a session, and I appreciate parts that might be feeling vulnerable. I also want to say you don’t have to disclose anything that doesn’t feel right to say out loud. It’s more important for you to have your innermost self connect with your parts than with me. I’m here a bit like someone holding a flashlight that might point it in a particular direction, just to help you on this journey. Okay? Well, good. Well, let’s just take a moment and go inside. We’ll just do a short little check-in exercise and then we will get started. Ahh, take a breath. And maybe I’m saying that for me as well, right. But notice just notice your breathing. Notice any thoughts or feelings that might be coming up, without the need to judge or change. Notice any physical sensations. Scan down your body, starting at your head and your neck. Is there any tension or are the muscles relaxed? Move down your shoulders to your arms, hands, all the way out to your fingertips. Coming back to your torso. Notice your breathing. Notice your heart rate. Notice your abdomen. And where your bottom contacts the seat. Feel the surface. Feel your legs going all the way down to the ground and where they connect with the ground. Welcoming any parts that show up. When you’re ready, I’m going to invite you to kind of come back, straddle this space. Caris, if it feels right, you can close your eyes, whatever’s going to be most comfortable for you. So I’m wondering as we did that or maybe even beforehand, do you have a part or trailhead that you’d like to start with?

Caris: [00:14:47] I have a manager part that resides right here. And I have felt very, very tight and it’s like a control, maybe what I speak, what I don’t speak.

Marion: [00:15:04] Yeah. In that jaw, those muscles are tight. Yeah, okay. Is this a part that you’re familiar with at all?

Caris: [00:15:15] Yes. I would say my main manager.

Marion: [00:15:20] Yeah. Well, would it be okay to get to know this part a little bit further? I’m just going to invite you to turn towards that part. So imagine if you turned inward and could focus on that area around your jaw. And I love that you’re putting your hands there. Sometimes that’s really helpful to connect with a part. What are you noticing?

Caris: [00:16:07] When I put my hands there, it doesn’t feel so tight. I get a relief from the tension and all the way down my back. All the way down my back.

Marion: [00:16:22] Beautiful. You can just check in and and see if there’s anything that this part wants you to know.

Caris: [00:16:37] I get a feeling it’s exhausted.

Marion: [00:16:46] Would it be okay to just welcome that exhaustion? If this is a primary manager, I can imagine this part has been working really hard for you.

Caris: [00:17:19] There’s a lot of plates that have to keep spinning. Or I picture balls juggling, like the clown of God.

Marion: [00:17:35] Is there anything you’d like to share about that juggling experience from this part?

Caris: [00:17:56] Like all the demands that this part wants to do and make happen. And in self, I like all these, you know, the plans that this part has. Yeah, this manager definitely is an over-compensator, exaggerator.

Marion: [00:18:32] How do you feel towards this manager?

Caris: [00:18:38] I love it so much. It does work so hard for my system. And I rely on it all the time. Too much, I feel.

Marion: [00:18:57] Is there a way that you see this part?

Caris: [00:19:01] I just got this image of a clipboard and a checklist.

Marion: [00:19:08] Yeah. Makes a lot of sense, right?

Caris: [00:19:13] Mmhm. It’s very demanding. This part used to be called my demanding inner critic. But I’m trying to get it to switch over to life coach.

Marion: [00:19:30] Yeah. Some days, right? Yeah. So just kind of notice, as you imagine looking at that wannabe life coach holding the clipboard and the checklist. What do you notice about it, about her?

Caris: [00:20:07] Very confident, goal-oriented. And that part just wants to get the system going, just get the whole system in line for me. And then there’s some polarizations that are happening as I’m discussing this, where my self-soother wants to say, she’s going to kill us.

Marion: [00:20:29] Yeah, well, welcome to that self-soother. Yeah.

Caris: [00:20:36] I need to, you know, shut this down, yeah.

Marion: [00:20:41] Yeah. I wonder if you could ask that self-soother, if it would be willing to give us just some space, no longer than the time of this podcast, to focus on this manager.

Caris: [00:21:06] Yes, I feel relaxing.

Marion: [00:21:09] Yeah. And let that part know that it can hang out nearby. And so, turning back to that manager, can she see you?

Caris: [00:21:34] Yep. She can. She’s not impressed.

Marion: [00:21:48] So maybe sensing some judgment going on there. Yeah, what would you like to say to her?

Caris: [00:22:02] You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to do it all.

Marion: [00:22:12] And at this point, this manager is probably thinking, oh, there’s that self-soother jumping back in, right? Ask this part how old it is.

Caris: [00:22:43] In junior high. 12.

Marion: [00:22:49] 12. So I’m noticing the tearing up, Caris. Is that coming from the manager or someplace else?

Caris: [00:23:07] I feel it’s self. Just because I’ve put a lot of pressure on that part of me to be perfect. And self, I call upon these parts to work very hard. And then when it’s time to relax, then I can let that self-soother drive the bus for a little bit. But me in self needs to be driving the bus and I know that. So I’ve let this war go on between my little parts maybe too long.

Marion: [00:23:42] Yeah. I wonder like, she’s junior high age, maybe 12-ish. Is there any particular story that kind of got her started in this role or anything she wants you to know as to why she does this role?

Caris: [00:24:14] I feel like this part saw the chaos around me at that age, in public school and all my friends and all the drama, and just wanted to take charge of something.

Marion: [00:24:40] Yeah. Taking charge. Having someplace that she had an element of control. And how is she trying to help you now? Ask her.

Caris: [00:25:13] The part feels that, if she’s not driving the bus, that the bus is going to crash. Some of the things won’t get done that need to be done and that maybe she won’t feel loved. She won’t receive the love that she’s seeking.

Marion: [00:25:32] Yeah. So, for her, getting this stuff done, being on top of it, is about helping her feel loved. So when did she learn or take on the idea that in order to be loved, she has to be doing something and taking control?

Caris: [00:26:35] The answer for that, in order to be loved, I did things to please my mother, clean the house, do little things, mostly cleaning because I was young. Something to produce for my time.

Marion: [00:27:05] And when you cleaned, was that some time that, you know, this part felt more noticed by your mother?

Caris: [00:27:20] Definitely, when I would. Bringing in breakfast in bed for her one time. And this part’s talked about this before. This was just a big mistake. There’s a guilty feeling in there, too, with this story. But there’s space for that.

Marion: [00:27:58] Yeah. I mean, it’s up to you if that feels okay. If she would like that to be heard. It’s okay to check in with her.

Caris: [00:28:10] You know, I’ve been wondering what story to share in my story group, and this is what this part wants to share. I think it’s okay if I share it here too, but when this part, when I was young, I get that loving reaction from my mother. I did little things, like I said, and so one time I made coffee for her, and I had seen her clean out this percolator coffee pot with bleach really well, you know. And so I did that. I made her coffee and toast in bed, because she’s, I don’t know if she works nights or whatever. But I was five, very young. And so I snuck in, and she hated being woken up, but I dared it, to wake her up. And so I take this toast and coffee on a little tray in to her and wake her up, and she takes a drink. And she’s like, “Did you clean this with bleach?” I said, “Yes.” And she’s like, “What are you trying to do, kill me?” I didn’t get all the bleach out. And so that little part was just so devastated, that my little loving action was so backfired. You know, just like this huge reaction. I didn’t ever, I mean, I made her coffee when I was older, but never again like that when I was little anyway. So I think that part, like, with my mother, you know, just always wanted to do things to please her and, yeah, control the chaos.

Marion: [00:29:55] Yeah. So much compassion for that little girl, though, who went in and cleaned the coffee pot and made toast and made coffee and took it in and just kind of had her hopes, her desire to love by doing something, just kind of dashed.

Caris: [00:30:30] I received that compassion.

Marion: [00:30:33] Yeah. Good. It sounds like this part, this little one, was, like, really doing a lot, you know, cleaning and all that sort of stuff just to help her feel loved.

Caris: [00:30:54] This is the first time I realized it went back to that time. I’ve worked with this part before but, you know, I thought it was like a teenager mostly. But I’m feeling maybe it’s a little younger than that now.

Marion: [00:31:07] Yeah. Do you have a sense of age?

Caris: [00:31:11] Well, that was five. And I have three brothers. And I always, you know, tidied up and cleaned up after them, trying to manage them maybe, control them. I think I’m still trying to do that. This manager is still wanting to do very much.

Marion: [00:31:32] Yeah. Well, I wonder, does she want to share, like what would happen if she didn’t clean up or didn’t manage the brothers? What would happen?

Caris: [00:31:46] A picture of football equipment everywhere and dishes and mess and chaos.

Marion: [00:31:56] Yeah. And what would that mean about her?

Caris: [00:32:11] This part just sees my mom not being happy. There’s something.

Marion: [00:32:20] Yeah. And if mom’s not happy, what does that mean?

Caris: [00:32:23] Nobody’s happy, right?

Marion: [00:32:25] Yeah. So it was her, she kind of took it on as her responsibility to make mom happy.

Caris: [00:32:39] Absolutely.

Marion: [00:32:43] It’s a big responsibility for a little girl. I wonder if it would be okay to invite her to look at you now, and to see you as woman, as wife, as mother, as capable. How is that?

Caris: [00:33:58] It was sweet. It’s like one of my kindergartners in a dress-up with the clipboard and glasses. Like, looking at me, like, “Mm, do you think you really got it? I don’t know.” But she does see me as an adult. We have had this discussion before, where I’ve told her that.

Marion: [00:34:27] Yeah. And, you know, it doesn’t mean she can’t be helpful, but I can’t help but imagine the little five-year-old who spent her time cleaning and trying to please and maybe didn’t get to play and be a kid.

Caris: [00:34:56] That just brought me up to my teenage years again. So that’s when I decided to maybe take charge and say, “I’m going to get out and go hang out with my friends and get away from the duties.” That’s interesting. Very interesting.

Marion: [00:35:18] Yeah. So that teenager part, or version of this part, was trying to break free a little bit, let go of that intensity of the burden.

Caris: [00:35:40] A lot to think about here.

Marion: [00:35:42] Yeah. Just take a moment and sit with these parts and see if there’s anything that either age wants to share with you. And as I said before, you don’t have to share it out loud if it doesn’t feel right.

Caris: [00:36:21] I actually feel a lot of peace. I feel more peace now, and I feel this part at both ages is looking at me.

Marion: [00:36:38] If they could do anything they wanted, what would it be?

Caris: [00:36:49] Go swimming pops instantly in my head. Go swimming.

Marion: [00:36:52] Sounds like fun. Yeah. Would it be okay for them to just go for a swim and chill out for a bit?

Caris: [00:37:17] Absolutely.

Marion: [00:37:23] Just, enjoying that, how hard they’ve worked, but that they also deserve to play. As we’ve been kind of going through this, I’m aware that this part across the ages seems to have a burden of responsibility to make mom happy. And I’m just going to throw it out there. It may be ready, maybe not. But is this a burden that she’d want to let go of?

Caris: [00:38:44] This part is saying, impossible.

Marion: [00:38:47] Okay, yeah.

Caris: [00:38:52] And even though she’s gone and we did have some, you know, unburdening before she passed, when I started this program, before then. I just started realizing our relationship, and how it was my responsibility to make her want to live and be happy. You know, it was my job to give her children, grandchildren. You know, just like all these things that I had to do. But that part saw before I did all this work that I couldn’t make her happy enough to want to live anymore because she was in so much pain. You know, all these things. And so that part spoke, before I even knew what parts were, and said, “Do you imagine how that makes me feel when I can’t even make you happy enough to want to live?” So that’s my little part. When you’ve made me make you happy. I was able to speak that to her before she passed. And so now I feel like, God willing, she’s in heaven. But she is looking down at, you know, she’s with me, although we don’t fight anymore. She’s closer to me than before, you know. So it’s kind of, it’s very interesting. So I know that there is a burden to always be the the person and the daughter that she wanted me to be. That’s heavy, isn’t that?

Marion: [00:40:37] Yeah. And, trying to put the words to it, but I wonder if carrying this burden is what would make your mom happy. If that’s what this part feels like, is that, if I let go of this burden, somehow mom wouldn’t be happy anymore.

Caris: [00:41:15] This part wants to say that, “Is it a bad burden to be good?”

Marion: [00:41:34] Is it a bad burden to be good?

Caris: [00:41:40] I think this part is, you know, wants to be good, it would be perfect. And so that’s what this part feels like. You know, my mother has instilled, you know, there’s a there is a pressure. The part feels the pressure.

Marion: [00:42:03] Yeah. And like, somehow that letting go of any part of that, even the five-year-old’s responsibility to make mom happy, would be somehow letting go of that value.

Caris: [00:42:44] There’s a part coming at me saying, “Not like you’re going to be bad! Just let it go.”

Marion: [00:42:52] Yeah. And that may be true. But we also don’t want to pressure the part into letting go of something it’s not ready to. No expectations.

Caris: [00:43:18] Maybe this part just needs permission to let that go.

Marion: [00:43:22] Okay. Who does it need that permission from?

Caris: [00:43:31] Instantly, I just, like, the world. The world has to give me permission. It’s a very strong part.

Marion: [00:43:41] Yeah. So what would that look like, you know? Is it possible for the world to say to this little one, you don’t have to carry that burden anymore, and you can still be a good person.

Caris: [00:44:25] You know how people say, you know, you heap things, heap coals upon yourself or, you know, treasures or whatever you want to put on yourself. You know, I have heaped responsibilities upon myself. This part has, you know. All these things. All these balls.

Marion: [00:44:51] And she’s good at it.

Caris: [00:44:55] I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful.

Marion: [00:44:58] Yeah. It’s just every once in a while, it might be nice for her to just go for a swim and let the weight of the world come off her shoulders for a while. Ask her if there’s anything she needs from you.

Caris: [00:45:46] She says love.

Marion: [00:46:03] I wonder if she’d be willing or interested in doing something we call a do-over. And this is just like going back to that, making mom coffee and, you know, instead of not getting all the bleach out, maybe you got all the bleach out. That something she’d be interested in doing?

Caris: [00:46:40] Yes, my five-year-old part loves pretending.

Marion: [00:46:43] Yeah. Perfect. Well, invite her to go through that process of cleaning the coffee pot and rinsing it, like, several times.

Caris: [00:47:08] It’s amazing how vivid it is. The smells, the coffee, the bleach, the kneeling on the counter.

Marion: [00:47:16] Yeah. Well, let’s go until we get rid of that bleach smell. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I’m pretty sure there’s not supposed to be bleach smell in it. And put the toast on so it’s cooked just right. And then put it on that tray and take it into your mom. Except this time, let her enjoy it.

Caris: [00:48:36] This part is like, we’ve done this so many times before, you know, just this one time is what is fixated in the brain.

Marion: [00:48:48] Yeah. Well, it sounds like it made a really big impression on this little one. And she was just trying to help.

Caris: [00:49:18] That little part wants to play Barbies with my mom.

Marion: [00:49:20] Oh, that sounds like a great idea. Yeah. Why don’t you invite her to do that? And check in to see if there’s anything else she needs, or even the older version of her needs.

Caris: [00:50:11] The teenager’s playing Barbies with her.

Marion: [00:50:14] Sounds like a plan.

Caris: [00:50:41] My dad made me this amazing Barbie house out of an old TV. Took off the back, took the tubes out, so I can picture all of that.

Marion: [00:50:54] Oh, so beautiful. Yeah, I just had a moment wondering, you have a 12-year-old, don’t you? Is that your girl?

Caris: [00:51:07] No, it’s my son.

Marion: [00:51:08] It’s your son. He might not want to play Barbies then, but he might. Yeah, I don’t know. I was just thinking about, like, how close in age this part is to your own children, though.

Caris: [00:51:27] Yeah. We go to the lake and go fishing, my son and I.

Marion: [00:51:30] Yeah. Probably a better plan.

Caris: [00:51:35] We’re building. Yeah.

Marion: [00:51:40] So does that feel like an okay place to pause, Caris?

Caris: [00:51:44] Yeah. I feel very, I feel a lot of joy and definitely more peace and gratitude for those little parts.

Marion: [00:51:56] Yeah. Well, and thank you for sharing them with us. If you’d like to take a few moments and journal or just kind of have your own time for a little bit, I’m going to check in with Sarah and see how that was for her. And then you can jump back in whenever you’re ready. All right, thank you. Thank you for being witness, Sarah. I’m wondering, how was that for you?

Sarah: [00:52:40] Yeah. I could definitely relate to the juggling and, yeah, just making sure I respond. I was thinking more about like communications and keeping up with all the communications and making sure I do that. And if I don’t, then what? And, so, yeah, not wanting to let people down. But that word “play” really resonated. It really resonated. There is a part that teared up and got emotional.

Marion: [00:53:48] Yeah, there’s a part of you that really wants to be able to play.

Sarah: [00:53:57] Yeah, definitely. And, kind of just connecting with that. Actually, that idea came up the other day and it kind of struck me, like, that’s interesting. Like because in some ways I felt like I did, or I mean, I was very active growing up and still am, but, I don’t know. There’s a different layer to it. That it’s not so much about being active, but about like, I don’t know, the word recreation, which means more like just leisure. But there’s definitely a part of me it’s like, “Yeah, well, you just can’t sit around.”

Marion: [00:54:57] Yeah, yeah, I know that part.

Sarah: [00:55:03] So, yeah. I see that part and letting it know it’s, maybe a little bit of an in-between, you know. It’s not, like just sitting around. But sitting around is okay too, you know?

Marion: [00:55:28] Yeah. It can be or, you know, you could go play and, you know, do something else. Whatever, you know, feels right.

Sarah: [00:55:40] But the sense of like, yeah, my primary manager just this constant like, being on. Just like, the image that comes to mind is like someone on the run or trying to catch those balls, you know, or then, then what? Like, do I throw it back or, you know.

Marion: [00:56:08] Now that I’ve got all, what do I do with it? Yeah. Sometimes I think that’s a cultural burden, almost. Not seeing our inherent dignity as daughters of God. Because we’re created in his image and likeness. And that’s beauty in and of itself, just to be. And this burden comes on, that in order to matter we have to be doing something. I think it’s such a common thing because like you know as I’m sitting here, listening to it, I’m so aware that like I have that part that started off as my taskmaster, Caris. And on a good day she can be an executive assistant. But, wow, there are days still, right, that we have these parts that just, I mean, I don’t want to get rid of her because I wouldn’t function without her, but sometimes it would be nice to just have a little breathing space, right?

Caris: [00:57:43] And not have to produce a thing. Here’s the thing I did with my time.

Marion: [00:57:50] Yeah, exactly, exactly. So I’m wondering if it would be okay to kind of switch back, kind of bring you in, Caris, and ask what that was like for you, working with your inner system in this way. Knowing that you were being observed. Anything you might want to speak for?

Caris: [00:58:28] Well, if I focus on, it’s going to be out there in the ether. I’ve got some parts that are like, well, how are people going to receive that? But mostly I’m just looking at your two faces that I’m so comfortable with, both of you. You know, we’ve been friends for three years now. I mean, Sarah was one of the first people I ever met in the RCC, you know?

Marion: [00:58:58] Yeah. And both of you, for me.

Caris: [00:59:01] So, yeah, going on retreat is very special. I just feel like we really get to know each other so well on retreat. I wish that could, you know, happen for everybody in the RCC, honestly.

Marion: [00:59:15] Yeah. And for those that are kind of wondering about this backstory, Caris and Sarah and I initially met on the first Resilient Catholics Community retreat where I was just along to help Dr. Peter do some organizing, speaking of primary managers that get stuff done. And it was at the end of that retreat that he offered me this position as the lead navigator with the Resilient Catholics Community. So I’ve had the privilege of knowing both of these ladies, and they’ve been on all three of the retreats that we’ve done, which have been fabulous.

Caris: [00:59:58] And I got to pick Sarah up from the airport. We got an hour in the car together.

Marion: [01:00:03] Yeah, it will have already happened by the time this episode airs, but I’m going to be doing a meet-up out in the northern Virginia area with Sarah and some other people out there.

Caris: [01:00:15] Oh, great.

Marion: [01:00:16] So it’s nice to be able to have these connections and yeah, just be able to feel comfortable. I know I felt the same way when I realized like who I was working with, I’m like, oh, this feels less scary. Yeah, good. So I’m wondering, and I’m asking this more from a professional, sort of technical standpoint for people who are working with parts or trying to figure out how to help others work with parts. I wonder if there was anything that felt, we’ll start, first of all, with particularly helpful?

Caris: [01:01:09] I just feel like all your questions definitely helped direct my thought and my part and my self. You know, does your part see you? How does your part look? How old is your part? All of these gentle questions really just help me go in deeper and connect with my parts better. So that was just so helpful. Just listening to your voice and just letting, relaxing and trusting you enough just to let you guide me to my self.

Marion: [01:01:48] Yeah, well, it’s so beautiful because you have been doing your work, and that shows in your ability to connect with your own inner system so that it makes the work on this side really easy because your system knows what to do.

Caris: [01:02:07] This is such amazing work.

Marion: [01:02:10] Yeah. It’s life-changing. Anything that didn’t feel helpful or felt distracting?

Caris: [01:02:31] Not that I can think of.

Marion: [01:02:39] Yeah. Sarah, any thoughts on process from you?

Sarah: [01:02:50] No, it’s just nice to go, you know, slow, gentle. Your soft voice just provides really nice space to just settle in, you know? And that really helps.

Caris: [01:03:09] I felt that also, just, I didn’t feel rushed. I guess I felt a little bit of pressure to not let the silence go on too long, to go ahead. I mean, my part already had a thought like the minute you said it, but then you have to like think about, am I going to share this? Is this okay, you know? So going through that. But I just feel like it was just calm and peaceful space. The product of our time today is more peace. That’s what I did my writing on. Like, so the product of my time doesn’t have to be a physical product. It doesn’t have to be a clean house or, you know, all the things, all the do’s. It can just be more peace in my heart and space, in my life, in my mind.

Marion: [01:04:07] Yeah. Yeah, just in that state of being.

Caris: [01:04:11] And then, of course, that’s going to give us the eight C’s. We’re going to be more creative. We’re going to have more to give other people. It’s okay for leisure.

Marion: [01:04:22] Yes. Yeah, I have to admit, I got to a point there, and I was like, wow, you didn’t really make this very Catholic. And I kind of want to speak to that, just for people who are wondering, that it’s not automatic to just instantly bring in God or bring in Mary. I admit I did have a thought, probably from a part in the background, going, “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if Our Lady was there with her, with her mother?” But what I didn’t know in the background is I don’t have any sense of this part’s relationship to Our Lady or even yours, more than a general level. And so I didn’t want to invite her in until I knew that the system would have been comfortable with it. So I guess in case the question comes up, what I’m saying is, if I knew more, I might have, and if it had gone in a different direction, I might have asked some questions there. But it was a very intentional thing not to come back and throw it in, because this is a Catholic podcast. Because that internal connection to self, that’s where our Lord is present. That’s where Our Lady is present, whether we bring them in or not, they’re there. And we don’t have to do that and, you know, force a connection with a part that maybe isn’t there.

Caris: [01:06:17] Well, my part does want to say that, after three years of being in the RCC, I know that it’s so important to work on the natural level first. And that is the spiritual, you know. And also that I’ve got a part that wants to say that my mother knew her own trauma and dysfunction and lack of whatever. And so when I was around 12, she had a beautiful reversion to the faith and brought me along with her. And she gave me the Blessed Mother because she knew she was so broken, that she wasn’t, you know, all that I needed. So she did give me the Blessed Mother and I love my Rosary and my Seven Sorrows. I love all the, you know, I go around and speak about the Blessed Mother all over the Midwest and Northern states in her Flame of Love. So that’s the one thing my mother did so well. She gave me a good mother.

Marion: [01:07:26] Beautiful. I can see that joy on your face. Well, I’m going to kind of move towards wrapping up here and say that if you would like to join in on this conversation, you can ask me questions on YouTube. You leave comments in the space for this video and I will answer them. Like this podcast episode. You can subscribe to us on YouTube at our channel, Interior Integration 4, that’s the number, for Catholics. And this helps us get the word out to those who need it. And please feel free to leave written reviews at Apple Podcasts. Just as a news bulletin, the Resilient Catholics Community has reopened to new members. So in the RCC, we have nearly 400 members on a pilgrimage to better human formation. I know, isn’t that incredible? Caris, you’ve been around from the beginning, right?

Caris: [01:08:35] Yes, I was the second cohort.

Marion: [01:08:37] Yeah, like it has just grown so much. It’s phenomenal. And it’s wonderful to be in a community of people who are focused on their own human formation. We have a structured year-long program called Foundation, which walks you through the basics of Internal Family Systems and adding in that Catholic worldview. Along with that program, you get to be paired up with a companion who can walk on the walk with you, help you, hold you accountable for some check-ins, and then you’ve got companies that meet weekly, typically 6 to 8 people. And as part of joining and participating in the Resilient Catholics Community, we have the PartsFinder Pro, which used to be called the IMK, if you’ve been around for a while. But the PartsFinder Pro has been updated, it has become so much more of a comprehensive report. I am excited to see how it goes through and how all the results come out. And this report really gives us a sense of where you’re at in your own formation. And so sometimes, we’re going to say, join us right now. And other times we might say, maybe you need a little bit of time to do some other kind of healing before you step into the community. But we’re really looking at, how can we help you in the best way on this journey of human formation? There is a 19-minute discernment experiential exercise which is now in YouTube version as well.

Marion: [01:10:26] You can check that out at soulsandhearts.com/rcc. And there’s also some testimonials out there. In my experience as lead navigator, I have had the privilege of hearing so many wonderful stories about how the Resilient Catholics Community has helped people. But perhaps the one that stands out the most is hearing from the adult child of a member who shared with me that when their parents started the RCC, they could barely have a five-minute conversation without like, wanting to hang up the phone on them. And after 6 or 8 months in the community, they were having lovely 35-40 minute conversations on the weekend and just able to communicate so much better. Doesn’t make you perfect, but it gives you tools for communicating in a much healthier way. So you can also talk with Dr. Peter about it in his conversation hours every Tuesday and Thursday from 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. Eastern time on his cell, (317) 567-9594. This is not a clinical consultation, but an opportunity to talk about any of the topics in these podcast episodes. Once again, Tuesday and Thursday from 4:30 to 5:30 Eastern time on his cell at (317) 567-9594. Thank you for being here, and thank you for engaging with this podcast. Thank you, Caris and Sarah. Thank you for doing your own work, which lifts up the mystical Body of Christ. And as always, Mary, our Mother, Untier of Knots, pray for us. Saint Joseph, pray for us. Saint John the Baptist, pray for us.

Special thanks to the Human Formation Coalition, who provided the support to make this transcript available.